Sometimes, friendships get messy and “Had I known” becomes an earworm. I reached out to a couple of people about their bad friendship experiences. From being thrown out without a heads-up to offering assistance and getting blocked, these six Nigerians had some wild stories to tell.
Jumai, 25
When I worked on the Island, a friend I’d known since university would pick me up for work in the morning, especially when the staff bus got too full or I missed it. One day, we were in his car driving to work, and he was speeding like a deranged person behind the wheels. I reacted with a soft punch and told him to slow down. That led to an argument, and he slapped me. I told him I wanted to get down. I got down, and he had the nerve to ask me if I was angry. I blocked him everywhere after that silly incident.
Two months later, he called me to congratulate me on my new job and ask if what happened was why I ghosted him. I felt weird because I didn’t communicate how I wanted to. I wanted him to know I ghosted because he’s an abusive person. So, I called him the following day, and his first words were: “Why did you call me back? I thought you were moving like a mad person yesterday.” He was screaming on the phone and said he didn’t even mean to call me the previous day. I dropped my phone in embarrassment. Now, I’m more cautious with my relationships.
Israel, 27
In early 2021, the world was still in disarray from the COVID-19 lockdown. Things had changed financially. I was a student and had to survive on the little I got from home. I had a couple of friends who had it rough, too. We were desperate to get money because of the rise of the “Benefit Boys”. That wasn’t like us at all. We looked stupid, but we went ahead. After two months, I opted out. I made zero naira and wasted my money on data, fuel to power the generator and “updates” that didn’t click.
I decided to go full throttle into selling adire round necks, hoodies and so on. I told my friends my plan, but they shot it down preferring the promise of riches through yahoo. So, I went and did my thing solo. I learnt from business owners and mentors who attended seminars and business development programmes. Six months in, I began to make money. My friends noticed and asked me to put them on. I agreed and taught them a few things.
In 2022, one of these friends asked that I give him the supplier’s contact information. I was the middleman in the supply chain, so it didn’t make sense for me. But he disturbed me a lot and became pathetic about it, so I gave him the contacts. Then I made a deal with my supplier that his arrangements with my friend wouldn’t disturb my business. After this friend got the supplier’s contacts, he blocked me on all social media platforms and the supplier broke our agreement. He stopped paying me as the middleman and cut me out. I won’t lie; it still hurts AF.
Chinaza, 25
A friend started a business, and I carried it on my head. I advertised the business and pitched it to potential customers until I finally got someone to purchase a product from my friend. When the ordered product got to the customer, it wasn’t what she wanted, and a back-and-forth ensued. I got caught in the situation while trying to calm them down and sort the issue. My friend blamed me for bringing a problematic buyer to her. I was dumbfounded because I only wanted to support her business. I quickly accepted that I was probably too nice and washed my hands off her business. We still talk, but I’m not carrying anything on my head again.
Jason, 31
Let me mention that I’m big on malice. I can go on for months or years, if necessary. However, I made a conscious effort to fix this as I grew older.
In the spirit of peace, I penned a lengthy message to my friend after about six months of not speaking. I wanted us to move past our issues and repair our relationship. This brother read the message and AIRED me. Still, I sent a check-up message two days later, and he still aired me. After about a week, I realised he wouldn’t respond, and I was mad for playing myself.
Pipeloluwa, 19
Around 11:30 p.m. on April 26, 2024, a friend and former hostel mate called me and asked for monetary help (₦8,000). She was travelling from Abuja to resume school in Ilorin, and the commercial bus she boarded broke down. Another bus asked for a higher total price, and she didn’t have a choice as she was stranded. I sent all I had as a 200-level student.
I called her the following day to check in. She said she arrived safely and promised to return my money. It’s been over a week since she resumed school and no word from her. Her WhatsApp status shows she’s active online, but she airs my messages whenever I text her. When I call, she doesn’t pick up, and her line has been busy since this week started. I’m pained because she’s my senior, both in age and academics, and she’s supposed to be better.
Esther, 28
There was a time in uni when I was stranded and didn’t have a place to live. My church president told me to come and stay in church until I got back on my feet. Instead, I carried my coconut head and approached a friend. I told her I wanted to stay with her for two months and she didn’t complain.
After a month, she must’ve complained to her other friends. I returned from the lecture to meet my things on the balcony where her friends left them. They said “my friend” doesn’t want me living with her anymore and she doesn’t know how to tell me. I called her, but she refused to pick up. It was getting dark outside, so I eventually took my things to church. Whenever I think about it, I shake my head and realise that the situation was my fault.
