When it feels like the walls are closing in and adulthood is crushing you, remember one (or all) of these things. I hope they bring you some form of comfort.
1) Even though adulthood is a huge scam, remember that you can eat all the junk food you want.
Remember all the times you wanted sugary stuff as a kid but your parents told you no? Well, they can’t do that anymore. Do you want to eat cake and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Knock yourself out.
Just don’t forget about tooth decay and diabetes.
2) Even though adulthood is a raging dumpster fire, remember that you can stay up as late as you want.
Gone are the days when you weren’t allowed to stay up past 9 PM. Now you can stay up watching interracial foot-sucking videos on pornhub as late as you want . (Just an example off the top of my head so don’t think too much about it.)
Just don’t forget that you have to be up for work at 6 AM.
3) Even though adulthood is an absolute shit show, remember that you can stay out as late as you want.
Go to a bar, strip club, then a regular club after that. You are grown and therefore no longer have a curfew. Go wild, you party animal. Just don’t forget that night time is when most people get robbed.
4) Even though adulthood is an endless cycle of despair, remember that you make your own money and can spend it however you want.
Log in to your favourite online store and do some retail therapy. You work hard and deserve to treat yourself to some of the finer things in life. Just don’t forget that you have a shit ton of unpaid bills and payday is still 3 weeks away.
5) Even though adulthood feels like you’re sliding naked down a metal slide on a really hot day, remember that you can fornicate as much as you want.
Nothing more refreshing than a good old fornication session. Open one of the numerous hook-up apps disguised as dating apps on your phone and find someone willing to eat your genitals and vice versa. Just remember to use protection because STDs are a bitch.
6) When all else fails, turn to alcohol.
Works every time.
What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!
