Okay, here’s the thing: Nobody is asking you not to be sophisticated. But when you grow up in Mushin and you decide to act like you don’t know what it means to be a Nigerian, that’s where the problem is.
Here’s how you can spot a fake Nigerian:
1. They say “cops” instead of police
There’s no way you heard anyone call Nigerian police cops growing up. It’s just not possible. The first time you heard anyone say cops was on cartoon channel and then in movies. So why are you on Twitter saying “All Nigerian cops are corrupt”? Please shift
2. They dress like this every time
Did anyone tell these people that there’s a heat wave all around the world and that Nigeria is really hot? You’ll see them wearing a turtle neck and walking under the sun. Better don’t kill yourself.
3. They don’t listen to Nigerian music
You’ll hear them say something like “oh no I just don’t like listening to Nigerian music. I like Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran”. They’ll also suggest that Nigerian music is trash and occasionally post a screenshot of some unknown foreign artist’s music.
4. They have fake accents
You’ll hear the occasional misplacement of where the ‘r’ sound is meant to be, and some grammatical errors and wonder where they got their british accent from. But that’s none of your business, is it?
5. They say “pants” instead of trousers
This one might be a bit flexible but you should be wary of Nigerians who say pants instead of trousers. They’re borderline posers. And that’s on that.
6. They eat swallow with a fork and knife
They’ll refuse to eat swallow until you give them fork and knife. If you don’t go and wash your hands…
