Living in Nigeria is very interesting. People turn to animals, animals swallow money, and get away with it because no one bats an eye. Everything that happens here is unusual. So if you’re ever looking to get out of trouble by turning into an animal, here are seven animals you should not turn into.
1. A Cat
I don’t recommend this animal because people generally don’t like them. Well, except lesbians. If you turn into this animal, Nigerians will kill you because they think cats are witches. (Thanks a lot, Nollywood.) Don’t try it.
2. A Dog
This one is man’s best friend so people hardly ever kill dogs. Except for those *coughs* people. Just don’t turn into that bingo/local dog breed because you will suffer if you can’t turn back.
3. A Goat
Isi Ewu, Asun, and goat meat pepper soup all have one thing in common. Goat. If you turn into this animal, there’s no going back. You won’t even be alive for more than a day. At least you’ll die knowing that you’ll feed people and taste great.
4. A Rat
Why would you even set yourself up like this? I don’t need to tell you that you will die that same day. Don’t try it. Rats are disgusting, so if you turn into one, find their bases and poison them. Do this last thing for your real people.
5. A Snake
Don’t think that you will be safe because you’ve turned into something dangerous. People are still looking for the snake that swallowed money a few years ago, and with the way things are, there is definitely someone out there randomly tearing up snakes left and right in search of that money.
6. A Cow
Will you become a first-class citizen? Yes, but that is not the point. Do you know how many things people rely on cows for? If anybody sees a stray cow do you think they will let it live? Better jazz up.
7. A Bat
No story involving bats ends well. Why would yours be an exception? These things are basically rats with wings. Do you know how scary that is? It doesn’t help that our imaginary association of flying people are known to turn into bats. To be forewarned is to escape death.
