You can’t tell me anything — everyone who grew up in Nigeria heard these things or variations of them growing up. It would have been great if we had everything it took to retort and have the last word. Don’t get me wrong, the situation won’t probably end as a complete win, but it would have been great regardless.
1. What they said:
Put in on my head.
What you could have said:
Please bend down a little, I want to see something.
2. What they said:
So you cannot greet, abi?
What you could have said:
Please don’t stress me, your mouth is not paining you.
3. What they said:
Can’t your friends come to your house?
What you could have said:
So you will use your eyes to chase them away.
4. What they said:
Before I open my eyes…
What you could have said:
Just open it and let’s get this over with.
5. What they said:
Let me keep this money for you.
What you could have said:
See, just carry gun and point it to my head.
6. What they said:
Am I your mate?
What you could have said:
Ehn, why are you acting my age?
7. What they said:
I don’t have money.
What you could have said:
So who advised you to have children?
8. What they said:
I did not kill my parents, so you will not kill me.
What you could have said:
Well, it has to start somewhere.
