Dread it, run from it, Ramadan arrives – My Alfa, circa 2000.
If you grew up in a Muslim home, chances are that at one point or the other, you have been scared silly of Ramadan. Mostly because you were unsure if you could give up (some) pleasure for asceticism. Afterall, Shaitan is singing locked up in some unknown location.
As a child, you had adults to enforce the rules. As an adult, it’s pretty much the wild wild west. So, how is Ramadan different as an adult than as a child?
These are some of the reasons people gave.
1) It’s not Satan, it’s me.
“The hardest part of Ramadan as an adult is self-awareness. As a child, the excuse for any shortcoming is blamed on age. As an adult, you come to the sober realization that everything you blamed Satan for, you didn’t need to. I can do bad all by myself.”
2) Nobody said it was easy but no one said it would be this hard.
“Working or schooling during Ramadan is not fun at all. I highly do not recommend it. And the worst part? you can’t afford to not show up. It’s a paradox; if you have nothing to do, you’ll be bored out of your mind. If you have to work, you’ll be tired out of your mind. Adulting, which way?”
3) If I had ₦1,000 for every time I cursed.
“I wonder how many times I will curse before I realize it is Ramadan. Cursing is how I let off steam in helpless situations. I had better not just read the news because I won’t be able to hold myself. Especially when it’s news about Nigeria and the fuckers called politicians.”
4) Twitter and Astaghfirullah.
“There was no Twitter growing up, but it is now my escape from the realities of this adult life. Every time I refresh my feed, I have to be Astaghfirullah-ready because people there are badly behaved. So, are you saying I shouldn’t take the medicine for my sorrows? Chai
5) Cooking and not being to eat.
“Cooking is not fun because when it’s time for iftar, I have lost my appetite. Low-key, I miss someone cooking for me. I miss just walking up to eat without all these senrere.”
6) Catch 22.
“Should I wake up in the night to eat and be sleepy and slow all day at work, or should I sleep well and be hungry and slow all day at work?”
7) This Dunya is actually killing me.
“I can’t wank. I know this is bad but it’s the only thing that makes me feel alive. Especially in this lockdown. As a child, I didn’t know anything like depression or lethargy existed because I was always happy. But now that depression is the theme of my adult life, orgasms are the only thing that makes me feel alive. Even if it’s short-lived. I don’t know how long I can do without it during this period.”
In case you missed it, watch Nigerians talk about their Ramadan struggles below:
