You’ve done it.
You’ve endured all the horrors of house hunting and you’ve found the perfect apartment. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. In your mind’s eye, you can already see yourself lazying around the house naked on Sunday afternoons.
Good.
Here are 7 things you need to look out for before you pay the rent, sign that lease or whatever.
1) Check the neighbourhood to see if it floods when it rains.
It’s best to check out your dream house in the rainy season because Nigerians are going to laugh at you and make memes when you’re on the roof of your building, screaming for help because mother nature vexed and decided to re-enact the plot of The Great Flood.
2) Check the house to see if it was built with cheap materials.
Light switches, sockets, door handles, etc. The last thing you want is your ceiling fan pulling a Final Destination by falling out of the ceiling and decapitating you.
Because that would suck for you and whoever has to clean up the mess.
3) Speak to the neighbours to get a sense of what electricity is like in the area.
Because Nigeria.
Lest you walk into the land of eternal darkness, eyes wide open.
4) Find out all you can from the landlord (and neighbours) about the people who lived in the apartment before you.
Just to get what kind of energy they left behind. What were they like? Were they fun and outgoing or did they keep to themselves? Did they frequently throw loud parties that ended in orgies or did they enjoy a quiet night in with some candles, a good book (of spells) and a pentagram drawn with blood? Did they move out of their own accord or were they brutally murdered by an unseen force in the living room? Did they…
5) Find out if there’s an ancient burial ground beneath the building or anywhere around.
Did you see what happened to the families in Poltergeist and Pet Sematary? It’s best to do your research before you end up in your own Stephen King supernatural horror thriller. The only good thing that could come of that is if you survive and get a book/movie deal.
You know what? Forget what I said. Stay. Stay so you can get that book/movie deal.
6) Pour salt on anyone you come across in the area to fish out the ghosts and demons.
I knew my wealth of pop culture knowledge would come in handy one day. That being said, I don’t know if this is just a thing the writers came up with for the show. It can’t hurt to try sha. (It can.)
7) Make sure the neighbours aren’t members of a devil-worshipping cult looking for a suitable host to physically bring the antichrist into the world.
Don’t give me that look. We’ve all seen Rosemary’s Baby. And The Omen. And Devil’s Advocate. And the…
If you need more advice about house hunting and moving out from your parents’ house, we made a video about in the first season of our show, Nigerians Talk, in which the cast shared all they’d learned about the process. Check it out below to learn valuable life lessons to live by.
