Lagos will stress you out. It will kill you and devour your bones. To prevent that from happening, here are some things you must always carry with you if you want to survive Lagos.
1. Pankere
For flogging people who walk anyhow in front of you without considering the fact that they’re on the main road and people are in a hurry. Just land them one fiam on their back and watch them fast forward like a DVD.
2. Pepper spray
For people who try to grope you anyhow or assume that they can touch you inappropriately.
You can also use blended pepper as an alternative. Just store it in a plastic bottle and pierce the cap. If anybody tries nonsense with you, just squirt it in their eyes. Their father.
3. A bottle of your urine
Same as the blended pepper recommendation too. Simply pierce the cap and spray away. Will be good for those car owners who splash mud on you and those danfo drivers who move too close to your car in traffic.
4. Extra leggings
Fight can break out anywhere in Lagos. You have to be prepared to japa.
5. Handbag to put your wig in.
Especially when you want to enter danfo. Imagine them stealing wig your wig off your head while you’re struggling for molue in Oshodi. Because of N150 bus, you lost N40k wig.
6. Fake baby/pregnancy
People are kinder to pregnant people in Lagos. You might as well cash in on that sympathy.
7. Catapult
For those traders in Yaba who are convinced they have what you want and won’t leave you alone. Since they want to be mad, convince them that nobody has a monopoly on madness. You sef get am plenty.
