Movies have lied to us about many things. Some of these lies are harmless and lead to no problems whatsoever. However, there are some recurring ones that have been retold for decades, causing people to have unrealistic expectations for the act involved. I’m talking about movie lies about sex.
Let’s get into it.
1) The severe lack of foreplay.
Movie characters tend to go straight to penetration immediately after kissing each other for approximately thirty seconds, which is insane because doing that in real life will lead to so many tears in the receiving partner’s cavity that it’ll feel like an anime fight took place in there.
2) The girls keeping their bras on during sex.
I have spoken to multiple women who have said that their favourite moment of the day is when they get home and take off their bras. So tell me why women in movies have sex with their boobie cages still strapped and hooked.
3) There are never any awkward sounds.
There is nothing more awkward than the sound of sweaty bodies slapping against each other during coitus. If you think that’s bad, there’s queefing. (An involuntary bodily function that occurs when air is pushed into the vagina, gets temporarily trapped in the folds of the vaginal canal and is then released.)
4) Simultaneous orgasms.
Simultaneous orgasms are about as common as two people syncing their bowel movements. It’s a well-known fact that men tend to orgasm faster than women. This is not to say that simultaneous orgasms are impossible, they just take a lot of practice (i.e really knowing your partner’s body and what they like).
5) Shower sex is portrayed as fun and exciting.
As opposed to what it really is, stressful and dangerous AF. Engage in this wildly overhyped act if you feel like slipping and splitting your head open on the side of a bathtub. The same goes for car sex.
6) Covering up afterwards.
Nothing cracks me up more than when movie characters (especially the women) finish rolling around and smashing genitals with a person and then proceed to cover up like the other person didn’t just see all their naked body parts jiggling during sex. Can someone scream FALSE MODESTY?!
7) Both parties falling asleep immediately after without bothering to clean up.
Because make no mistake, you will need to clean up. Real-life sex is messy as hell. Sheets sometimes need to be changed, condoms need to be disposed of, and showers need to be had to wash off the sweat and other bodily fluids.
Are there any other movie lies about sex that we left out? Add em in the comments. As we have your attention, click here to read an article about all the things that can go terribly wrong during sex.
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