Hello human.
Do you – like a large percentage of people – hate your job? Do you fight the urge to slit your throat every morning when your alarm goes off? Do your work duties make you want to grab a pair of scissors and go on a rampage?
This stock image worked out well but like, why does it even exist??
If your answer to any those questions was yes, I have a solution for you. I’ve taken the liberty to put together a list of items to have at work that’ll ease the crushing despair that comes with working at a job that makes you consider the bright side of homelessness.
1. Drawer full of food
Because food offers (temporary) relief in trying times. Stock up on a wide variety of snacks so even when you’re not chewing, a simple peek in the drawer will spark joy in your heart.
2. Earphones
To drown out the humdrum of office life while you listen to music and pretend you’re playing the protagonist in an indie music video who’s upset because he’s surrounded by mediocrity even though he knows he’s meant for greatness.
Have fun with it.
3. A flash drive full of movies you can watch while you pretend to work.
Use working hours as an opportunity to rewatch the first 7 seasons of Game of Thrones so you’re all ready when the 8th season premieres. Just be sure to have a browser tab of work-looking stuff open you can quickly switch to in case your boss shows up.
4. Comfortable footwear to change into.
The pain of wearing 6-inch heels all day adds to your work-induced sadness. Get you a pair of crocs and be comfortable.
5. A water bottle full of alcohol
I would’ve suggested a flask but only alcoholics 2 days away from their next drunken bender use flasks. What you need is a container you can hide in plain sight. Of course, this means your options of liquor are limited to clear spirits, but the game is the game.
6. This pocket-sized Ouija board for when you need to summon a demon real quick.
For when a coworker misbehaves and you have to summon your pet demon to treat their fuck up.
7. A Koboko
For when your pet demon is busy and you need to treat the fuck up yourself.
