self-isolation porn
We’ve suggested a ton of stuff you can do to keep yourself entertained during this self-isolation period. But there’s one super obvious thing a lot of people consume that we haven’t mentioned or discussed.
Porn.
Abeg (3x). If all of you reading this are making that face, where are Pornhub’s Nigerian statistics coming from? Ehn? Don’t gimme that stuff. We’re the only ones here and I will not shame you. Au contraire, I’m here to provide you with a list of porn titles that have helped me get through the gloom of self-isolation by reminding me of simpler times. Times when two or more people could just casually get together and do stuff with each other. Sit back and relax because you’re in for a treat.
1) 2 Female College Freshmen Meet Up In A Dorm Room To…Watch Movies All Night Long.
“Oh, yeah. That’s the stuff.”
2) Two Men…One Handshake
“You see that handshake?? Only black men have…handshakes that firm. Ugh!”
3) Petite Asian Woman Touches And Plays With Her Pretty Pink…Face With Reckless Abandon
“You missed a spot. The right side of your forehead. Yes, baby!”
4) 5 Guys And 2 Girls Come Together To Make Sweet…Memories By Taking Numerous Group Photos.
“Could you guys stand a little bit closer to each other so everyone’s in the frame? Fuck yeah. That’s a good position!”
5) Muscle Man Does Solo…Shopping Errand In A Fully-Stocked Supermarket With Moderately-Priced Goods.
“Wait. Your sardines are STILL N200 each?? SHIT! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY BECAUSE I’M COMING…to the checkout counter with 10 tins!”
6) Boss Calls His White Blonde Personal Assistant Into His Office And Requests To See Her…Notes Taken During The Company-Wide Meeting That Took Place Yesterday.
“You know what I want. Show me those notes, baby.”
7) Black Guy, Who’s Just Meeting His Stepsister For The First Time, Gives Her His Big…gest Hug And Just That Because He Now Has The Sister He’s Always Wanted.
“Can you rub her back and wiggle a little bit so it kinda looks like y’all are dry-humping? Perfect!”
8) Guy and Girl Meet Up For A Quickie…Coffee Date At A Crowded Cafe During Their Lunch Break.
“Nothing gets my juices flowing like doing it (drinking coffee) in a public place.”
Go forth and enjoy, you whore.
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