If the year 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that real life is way more terrifying than anything fiction has to offer. With that in mind, I made this list of real-life scary Nigerian things you could go as for Halloween.
1) A Nigerian Politician
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Literally anyone. All you need is an agbada, a cap, incompetence, and pure unadulterated wickedness. Also, if anyone asks you a question while dressed up as a Nigerian politician, you have to lie stupidly.
2) A Canadian Citizenship Rejection Document
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Can you think of anything more terrifying than the thought of never leaving this country and getting to experience what normal life is like?
3) Food Inflation
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Brethren. A sachet of tomato paste now costs N180. A kilo of turkey is almost N3k. Eventually, we won’t be able to cook that Jollof we keep making noise about.
4) Traffic
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I know what you’re thinking. “Traffic isn’t scary. It’s just super inconveniencing.” Well, if you spend your entire life in Lagos, that’ll mean losing a large chunk of your youth to traffic. And if you’re unlucky, you could die in it.
5) A Nigerian Government Youth Empowerment Program
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You could go as any one. They’re all incredibly disappointing. Here’s a list of them we recently compiled.
6) An Older Nigerian Demanding Respect Even Though They’ve Done Absolutely Nothing To Earn It
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Ugh. Those ones are the fucking worst.
7) The Life Expectancy Of Nigerians
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The current life expectancy for Nigeria in 2020 is 54.81 years, a 0.58% increase from 2019. Ain’t nothing scarer than the fact that everything in this country is trying to kill you.
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