Remember all the time you spent side-eyeing your Nigerian mother whenever she did something ridiculously Nigerian mother-y in public and you swore you would do everything in your power to make sure you didn’t end up like her? Well, I have news for you.
You failed.
Before you start arguing, read the points below and tell me that that they don’t perfectly describe you now in adulthood. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
1) Having one nylon bag full of dozens of other nylon bags you consider pretty and will definitely come in handy later.
I’ll go a step further and guess that you keep all the pretty nylon bags inside the strongest one of them of all: A Bagco Super Sack.
2) Having enough Tupperware to successfully store food for all 7 years of the Great Tribulation.
You keep all 3056 bowls and 1528 covers, even though you only use like two at a time. Never mind all the people making fun of you for this. They’ll be sorry when the rapture happens and food becomes scarce.
3) Your go-to retort when someone says something that annoys you is:
That and/or “If I slap you ehn, you’ll find all your teeth on the floor”.
4) Using everything as a weapon in a fight.
A lot of people don’t know this but the urge to attack someone who has annoyed you with whatever you can lay your hands on is the same feeling your mother struggled with that time she ripped out the car’s seat belt and whooped your ass with it because you decided to be a nuisance in the church’s crowded parking lot.
5) Carrying a bag full of stuff you might need at some point during the day.
You’d never know just by looking at it but along with a laptop, that bag contains an extra shirt, pants, and shoes, Imodium, Panadol, power bank, his passport, a plastic bowl containing last night’s leftover concoction rice…
6) Spending at least 30 minutes pricing every single thing you want to buy in the market.
If you ever wondered why market sellers have a tired smile on their faces whenever you come by, this is why.
7) Your default response when someone apologizes to you is:
You can’t help it.
8) When you see someone misbehaving and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is:
What else could it be?
Click here to find out if you’ve slowly turned into your Nigerian father but just don’t know it yet.
