Holidays are for celebration, laughter and reunion with your super annoying family members who do too much even when the situation doesn’t call for it.
Now, if you’re of marriageable age and still show up single to these reunions, you know you’re in for a rollercoaster of subtle-to-direct shade.
Your stomach cannot be big in peace
Because your niece or nephew will randomly blurt out, “Aunty, are you having a baby like my mummy?” And you’ll just have to take the insult with smiles before you get an unsolicited, “This is a sign from God”.
Prayers you cannot decipher
Extended family members know how to pass subtle shade in their prayers. You never know if they mean well or are outrightly asking you to get your shit together. Because what does “You’ll smile very soon” mean? Have you been crying all this while?
God forbid you come with a friend
You’ll get questions like, “Is he the one?” or “Is she the one?” until your guest feels like you invited them to your family house to save face.
The pep talk with big mummy
Big mummy is that relative who doesn’t cut through the corners. Your parents hold her in high esteem, so who are you to protest if she calls you for a tête-à-tête. Expect opening lines like: “Tolulope, you’re not getting any younger.”
The matchmaker family friend
They’ll tell you how they know a “decent person” who is also single and searching. But she’s big mummy’s friend, so you can’t be rude to her. On her way out, she’ll make sure you save the “decent person’s” number.
Your phone calls getting monitored
In their head, the only person who can have you walking in circles, speaking in hush tones and laughing sheepishly is the LOYL. So whilst the call is going on, you’ll get side comments like, “Sha be fast and let’s know the one you’re doing.”
The baby of the house gets a lil too attached
Then the uncles and aunts will say, “The babies in heaven are itching to come to you.”
The annoying cousin coming with their partner and in-laws
You wish your cousin well, but you can’t help asking why they have their in-laws in your house. Your mum will now come and make comments like, “By this time next year, we’ll multiply because my in-laws will be here too.”
