If you’ve attended more than three church services in your life time, you’ve definitely had a “God, abeg” moment. Don’t worry, this is a safe space.
1) When the “three” prayer points start becoming more than three
The pastor said three more prayers then service ends, but you’ve prayed like five different times already. At this point, you’re wondering if you’ve forgotten how to count.
2) The testifiers that can never keep to time
They would have announced in church that each testimony shouldn’t be longer than two minutes, but these people never hear that part. With their unnecessary backstory, you start wondering how much information is too much.
3) When you forget it’s a special Sunday
After planning all the things you’d do with your time after church service ends, you get to church only to realise that’s the day they’re having three different thanksgiving services. Just cancel your plans and get ready to sleep in the church.
4) Having to wake up on Sunday morning
After having an activity filled Saturday, you’d be woken up by your alarm. No sleep, just grumbling and vibes.
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5) The choristers that sing off tune
Middle of praise and worship, someone attempts a high note they never should have attempted. You just have to pretend it didn’t happen while praying to God it doesn’t happen again.
6) The Usher that won’t let you sit where you want
Even though they’re just doing their job, it doesn’t stop you from being annoyed. You’d listen to them, but you won’t particularly be happy.
7) Church aunties and uncles
One thing about attending church is that you’ll jam all the church aunties and uncles you’ve been dodging. They’re always armed with questions and comments that’ll make you want to fight. No matter how fast you try to leave the church once service starts, they will catch you.
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8) When you didn’t know there was a guest preacher
Having a guest preacher can go one of two ways. The preacher is amazing and you have an amazing service, or you don’t vibe with them and you feel like you’ve wasted your time. That’s why when they announce the guest preacher, you say a quick prayer to God so everything will work out well.
