Are you tired of lying wide-awake all night like you just ate a handful of meth but struggling to stay awake during the day and having your coworkers laugh at you for nodding and drooling? Well, because you’re already here, your answer doesn’t matter to me! Here are 8 tips to help solve your sleeping problems.

1) Eliminate alcohol and caffeine:

Because the effects of caffeine can last up to 24 hours, the chances of it affecting sleep are very high. Even worse, it may not only cause difficulty sleeping but frequent awakenings as well. A quality it shares with alcohol, even though alcohol tends to act like a sedative for the first few hours.

2) Limit afternoon naps:

Even though it might seem like the ideal way to catch up on sleep, it is not. Establishing a regular sleep pattern by training oneself to associate sleep with cues like darkness and a consistent bedtime is important.

3) The bed should be for just sleeping:

Well, sleeping and sex. Not for reading, making calls, finishing off work etc. The worst of all is watching tv, being on your phone, or anything that requires you to stare at a screen. This is because the blue light coming from electronic screens can mess up your body’s circadian rhythms, causing your body’s internal clock to reset.

4) Avoid eating or drinking right before bed:

Falling asleep immediately after eating can trigger the digestive system and keep you up, especially if you suffer from gastroesophageal reflux or heartburn. Also, drinking plenty of fluids before bed will overwhelm your bladder, causing many trips to the toilet.

5) Down an entire bottle of cough syrup:

If it works for Lil’Wayne, it’ll work for you.

6) Warn your sleep paralysis demon that you are not in the mood to be choked because you require a good night’s sleep:

The key is to establish boundaries.

7) Also, warn that owl (that’s secretly your evil, jealous aunt from the village) to stop hooting all night or you kill it with a gun.

Threatening violence (especially with family) is never the way but her constant nightly hollering has left you no other choice.

8) Turn off your weirdly bright light bulbs:

You are not an ashewo house in a late 90s Mount Zion movie, turn off your damn lights. If you must have some light on while you sleep (maybe you’re afraid of the dark or something), get a night light.

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