If you tell your parents you want a small wedding and they accept it without any drama, I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you: you’re not a Nigerian. Your parents are clearly from another country and have refused to give you your original passport.
Nigerian parents see their children’s weddings as an opportunity to invite their friends, enemies, exes, colleagues, and even strangers to the biggest party ever.
If you’re fighting with your parents over the size of your wedding, we have the perfect winning formula.
Elope
What’re a few motherly tears compared to the embarrassment of having to dance in front of one thousand people? Last last, everyone will forgive you and you’ll do thanksgiving in your family church.
Surprise them with the wedding
Tell the seven family members and three friends who you want to be at the wedding that you have a surprise event for them and that they should dress nice. When they enter the hall, they’ll see you and your partner on the altar.
Tell them you had a dream
Use their own methods against them. Tell them that in your dream, there were more than 30 people at the wedding, and it turned into an orgy that then turned into a massacre, and everyone died, and the devil stole everyone’s souls.
Be a disgrace to the family
Nobody wants to carry a disgraceful child on their chest. Here are a list of ways you can disgrace your parents:
- As a man, lock your hair or grow a full beard
- As a woman, get pregnant before marriage
- Fail out of school after people have started calling you “D’Law”
Do one of the above, and your parents won’t even attend your wedding, talkless of bringing the entire village.
Marry someone they don’t approve of
You want to marry a proper bad bitch, a man who isn’t so wealthy or someone outside your tribe. They’ll attend the wedding for sure, but they won’t invite their friends to witness the abomination.
Do a destination wedding
Tell your parents they can invite anyone in the world, but the wedding is in Bali. Let’s see if uncle Gbenga and his 17 children will show up in this economy.
Print the wrong date on your IV
If daddy and mummy have coconut heads and decide to invite the whole world, even after all your begging, no wahala. Just put the wrong date on the invitation card. The ones that’ll make it will make it. The ones that can’t, won’t. But you can be sure the crowd won’t be plenty like that.
Don’t get married
You can’t have a crowded wedding if you don’t have a wedding at all.
