Landlords will soon start sending reminders for next year’s rent. But no need to worry; I’ve got you. Here’s how to make next year’s rent this December.
Attend parties to pack money
When you attend any owambe, just help them pack money. For every ₦3k you pick, keep ₦1k for yourself. This is stealing sha, just so you’re aware.
Give sacrifice on December 31
Just before you go into the new year, carry a calabash of fried yam, pounded yam, egusi, pasta and fried rice to any T-junction, and drop it there (you must do this naked). The next day, your landlord will receive credit alert on your behalf.
Beg
Head out into the streets with a sign saying, “Help. I’m trying to make next year’s rent.” People will understand your struggle and drop money for you. In one week, you’ll make your rent.
ALSO READ: 5 Nigerians Talk About Their Struggle With Raising Rent
Plant a money tree
Tega has already given instructions on how to do that in this article.
Find a sugar parent
Sugar parents always come through with the money. The problem is finding one in these streets. Between a sugar parent who doesn’t want sugar and a faithful Edo man, I don’t know which is tougher to find.
Ask your IJGB friends
£1 = ₦900 now. Please, bill your IJGB friends well. They’ll gladly give you the money because they won’t even feel it leaving their account.
Ask your parents
When all else fails, go back to the source with much humility, and say, “Mummy and daddy, please, help my life before I become homeless.” But be prepared to hear a long-ass lecture about responsibility and how you shouldn’t have moved out in the first place if you weren’t financially ready.
Stay inside
Step outside your house, and ₦50k has left your account. If you truly want to have your rent money by the end of December, stay inside your house. Watch all the concerts and parties on Snapchat, and you’ll be fine.
ALSO READ: Interview With Detty December: “Come Rain, Come Shine, We Outside”
