Is it just me or does it seem like getting a good night’s sleep these days is impossible? The weather is hot and the mosquitoes are ruthless. That being said, you can’t keep running on 3 hours worth of sleep every night. Sooner or later, your body is going to turn against you and crash. Just hope this doesn’t happen in public because you’ll wake up to find all valuables gone and an elderly woman pouring water over your face while asking if you had just undergone a quack abortion.
I’m digressing.
Here are 6 ways to ensure you get a good night’s sleep.
1) Take a cold shower right before bed.
Nobody said you can’t have fun with it. It’s your shower. Sing as loud as you want. Who gon check you? No one, that’s who.
2) Sleep with a fan or air conditioner on.
Crack open a window, even.
3) Apply mentholated dusting powder all over your torso.
The menthol will cool you down while blocking your pores and restricting sweat. It’s amazing.
4) Warn your sleep paralysis demon to leave you the fuck alone.
Don’t feel bad. It needs to understand the concept of boundaries and personal space.
5) Warn your great aunt from the village that’s disguised an owl outside your window to stop hooting and screeching all night or risk dying as Goliath did.
Threatening violence (especially with family) is never the way but her constant hollering has left you no other choice.
6) Consume copious amounts of alcohol to ensure you pass out once your head hits the pillow.
Or your floor. That works too.
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