One of Nollywood’s resident bad boys, Kunle Remi, tied the knot over the weekend, and one thing is pretty clear: That man is obsessed with his non-celebrity wife, Tiwi.
But X people got something to feast on when Daniel Etim Effiong’s wife shared a congratulatory message where she admitted it’s hard AF being married to a good looking, in-demand actor.
You’ll have to buckle up for some work if you ever get married to a movie star, and we’ve got some tips to help you get started.
Take a corny ass name like “Celeb wife wife”
People might roll their eyes all they want, but there’s no better way to mark your territory on the streets of social media. Every user on the platform must know they belong to you. If Desola Afod could pull it off, there’s nothing stopping you.
Get them to get a face tattoo
Forget all that talk about tattoos in private body parts. If they truly love you and want to make the loudest “Beware, this user is taken” statement, nothing beats a tattoo of your name on their face.
Become a celebrity
This way, you’ll get invites to whatever social functions they have to attend. No one will offer to be their plus one because they know you’ll be there.
Open a YouTube channel
Name the channel something like “Keeping Up With The Nzes”, and film 60% of your personal lives for people to see. No better way to let the world know that this particular celebrity puts his family above everything else.
You must learn how to act
And you must be so fucking good at it that when they need to cast a lover for your partner, you’ll be the only one who comes to mind. Everybody knows no one has made a better screen husband for Adesua than Banky W.
Befriend their colleagues
You know how some people aren’t celebrities but are constantly hanging out with them? This has to be you. No better way to keep track of your partner’s activities. You’ll get firsthand info, and some people will even act as your personal “Beware, this user is taken” signage.
Become their manager
Forget the bodyguards, have you seen how managers protect their celebrity talents? They have the power to choose who has access to them or what they should be involved in. Become this person for your partner.
Fast and pray
If all other options fail, run to your creator. Your prayer points should include lines like “Make them ugly to anyone who has a crush as tiny as a mustard seed”.
Take this quiz: Which Nigerian Celebrity Couple Are You And Your Partner?
