Getting national honours is cool, but being in the same space as Buhari is an award in itself, and you need to act respectful. Here are some tips on acceptable behaviour when you see our darling Bubu.
First, cover your body from head to toe
We know you don’t plan to go anywhere near the president of this great country in your fitted pants or sleeveless shirts. Your parents raised you better, so you better don’t disgrace them.
Bow at his feet
You’re in the presence of the Grand Commander of the Order of the Federal Republic. Don’t kneel, and don’t just prostate. You need to fall with fear and trembling and wait until he acknowledges you and commands you to rise.
Touch the hem of his jalabiya
We don’t even need to explain why you should aim to touch the hem of his garment. Just do it, and you’ll feel the power rush through your veins and millions of naira teleport into your account.
Hail him
Throw your hands up the moment you see him and shout “tuale” for the President wey sabi — as per Bubu the Traveller.
Grab his hands and kiss them
If he tries to shake you, take his hand in both of yours and kiss his ring. That way, everyone will know you’re really respectful.
Take selfies
You happen to be in the same room with the number one citizen of Nigeria, and you won’t take pictures? Don’t even stop at pictures, go ahead to make TikTok videos, and if you wish, tell him to sign your forehead.
Cry
Frankly, the only thing that makes sense when you see Bubu is to cry and faint.
Squeeze ₦5k into his hand
Being president is hard enough, so squeeze small cash in his hand for him to use and relax. Okay, the country is hard and you don’t have money, so you can maybe try food.
Lean in and tell him “purr”
Buhari is clearly a material gurl, so you should give him the material gurl treatment.
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