We’ve already established before that tv adverts seem to exist in their own cinematic universe with specific rules. However, Nigerian ads are in a league of their own, as, in a bid to sell viewers what they’re meant to in the shortest possible time, they mostly end up making no sense.
Using the logic of Nigerian advertising, here’s how to make your very own drug commercial.
1) To play a family in the ad, cast a bunch of actors who have absolutely no on-screen chemistry with each other.
Because who needs convincing and memorable performances, am I right?
2) Have an illness hit the entire family at the same damn time.
Because the only way you can scare people into buying your drug is if you convince them that an illness is going to swoop in one day and wipe out their families in one swoop.
3) Exclude one parent from this disease.
Usually the mother. Because we all know that fathers in commercials are generally useless.
4) Have her take one look at her sick family and – using the hella vague symptoms they have – immediately decide what it is that has afflicted them, even though she has no background in medicine whatsoever.
Because this is an ad and not a Tarantino movie, they only have a few seconds to get to the point. Doctors and hospitals be damned. Have her run off to the neighbourhood pharmacy, leaving no one to watch her sick husband and kids.
5) Have her return with a drug – the one being advertised – that is going to magically cure this illness in minutes.
You know what I mean. Follow-up doses don’t exist in ads and every illness is cured within the same time it takes to resolve the central plot of every Big Bang Theory episode (30 mins).
6) Have the family (who were practically coughing up blood earlier) surprise their matriarch with how much better they’re feeling using crackhead-like feats of physical activity.
“The hell…HOW ARE YOU DOING HEADSTANDS?!”
7) For the ad’s last shot, have the family pose for a group picture with the drug.
“We’re not breaking the fourth wall. We’re just taking this picture to make sure we always remember that time the fam almost got wiped out by a mystery illness. Say cheese, y’all.”
