Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
After interviewing Detty December about how it plans to remain outside despite all that is going on with COVID-19, Amapaino ran into our office to hide because a Detty December means an overworked Amapiano.
From being the hot cake of musical beats to becoming a regular thing to Nigerians, Amapiano’s journey is a classic see-finish story.
[Amapiano runs in]
Zikoko: Ahan, what’s going on? Who is pursuing you?
Amapiano: [Panting hard] Please, let me hide here.
Zikoko: Why? What did you do?
Amapiano: I’ll explain later, just let me hide here.
Zikoko: Omo, that will be hard oh. We cannot just hide you here without knowing why you are hiding.
Amapiano: Look, I won’t be a burden. I’ll just stay where you keep me and remain quiet until I can escape back to my country.
Zikoko: Where is your country?
Amapiano: South Africa.
Zikoko: So why do you want to go back? Have you not tasted Nigerian Jollof?
Amapiano: I have but—
Zikoko: Our national treasure! You see, the country might be going to shit, but once you eat Nigerian Jollof, everything automatically fixes itself.
Amapiano: No, that’s not—
Zikoko: In fact, Nigerian Jollof is the plane that will carry us to heaven on the last day.
Amapiano: Well, that doesn’t matter to—
Zikoko: You know what, let me ask them to serve you Jollof rice again, maybe you will be convinced to stay with us.
Amapiano: No, I beg of you, I don’t want any more Jollof rice. I don’t want anything that has to do with Nigeria, especially now that Christmas is here.
Zikoko: Amapiano, you are proving difficult and I don’t like it.
Amapiano: Just let me hide here for a while. Before the end of this week, my people will come for me and fly me back to South Africa. It is the only thing I desire from you.
Zikoko: Is Nigeria not enough for you?
Amapiano: [Screams] Nigerians want to finish me! Can’t you read between the lines?!
Zikoko: Oh.
Amapiano: [Bursts into tears] I never knew it would be like this. If I knew, I would have refused to come when I was being invited. Had I known, had I known, I would have just stayed back in South African clubs and parties.
Zikoko: How did you end up in Nigeria in the first place?
Amapiano: What does not end up in Nigeria eventually? Especially music. You people have a good number of hot music stars. When one of them sampled me in their music, I knew I had arrived.
Zikoko: Tell me more…
Amapiano: I felt on top of the world. I was this new sound with the gift of becoming a club banger and a street anthem. That’s a great level of versatility, and you know how Nigerians like versatile sounds.
Not every artiste knew how to use me, but they all wanted me in their songs, even if it was just for the sake of appearance. The collaborations were plenty, even artistes that have no business collaborating were doing it because of Amapiano. I was the ‘it girl’. I felt so classy. But this is Nigeria. You can’t be special for too long. They will eventually overwork you and see-finish will enter it.
Zikoko: So see-finish has entered it for you now?
Amapiano: Yes oh. In fact, my own is more than see-finish. Nigerians claim they want a bad bitch but the bad bitch arrives and you all cannot handle it. Why are you people clamouring for Amapiano when you know you will not dance when it is played live?
Zikoko: Eeyah.
Amapiano: Now, I have gone from being the hotcake of sounds to a regular sound. Let me be going to my country, please. The disgrace I have encountered here is enough.
Zikoko: How would you say this see-finish happened?
Amapiano: I blame myself, honestly. I don’t know who gave Nigerian artistes the idea that they need to include me in their songs, but I blame myself for agreeing. My eyes are clear now.
Zikoko: Me I think you have become popular sha.
Amapiano: Did I beg you people for popularity? Was I not popular before you people came to put me in your songs? If I was not popular, would you even have known me? Please don’t get me angry, it’s too early in the morning for this.
Zikoko: Sorry oh. But now that you are planning to escape, what will happen to Christmas parties in Nigeria?
Amapiano: Christmas is to celebrate the birthday of Jesus. I’m not sure Mary’s son would have wanted you to play Amapiano on his birthday anyway.
Zikoko: If you go, do you have any brothers or sisters that can replace you?
Amapiano: As how?
Zikoko: Should we be expecting Amaguitar and Amadrum anytime soon?
[Amapiano stares very hard at Zikoko, sighs deeply, hisses, and then walks out]
Zikoko: Amapiano wait now! Don’t you want to hide here again?
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