Zikoko walks into the party, ready to let loose and celebrate our record breaker Hilda Baci, when they spot someone in the corner, looking like he’s going through it.
So naturally, Zikoko had to find out who they were.
Zikoko: Hello. Are you okay?
Unknown person: [Takes a deep breath] Who are you now?
Zikoko: Sorry?
Unknown person: Look, I can’t do anything for you until a year’s passed. So come back in a year, and I’ll listen to you.
You know what? Just send an email. It’ll be faster.
Zikoko: Okay, now I’m confused. Who are you?
Unknown person: You’re joking, right?
Zikoko: [Shakes head]
Unknown person: You don’t know who I am?
Zikoko: [Shakes head]
Unknown person: And you’re not from Ekiti?
Zikoko: Do you have a problem with people from Ekiti?
Unknown person: [rips sunglasses off] Look at my eyes. I’ve seen things . How do you people say it again? I’ve seen shege in Ekiti people’s hands.
Zikoko: Ah.
[Zikoko belly laughs]
I know you.
Unknown person: What’s funny?
Zikoko: You’re Guinness…
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: Shhh!! Do you want them to find me? Nigerians are after me. They won’t let me rest. I haven’t slept well since the first one. [sobs heavily]
Zikoko: The first what? Are you talking about the cook-a-thon?
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: [Sobs harder]
Zikoko: [Pats his shoulders] There there.
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: I just want to rest. Every day. someone’s trying a new [gags]
Zikoko: A new what?
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: I can’t say the word
Zikoko: C…
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: NO!
Zikoko: A-thon?
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: [Nods] Everybody and their daddy’s trying a new one every day and think I should know about it.
Zikoko: Isn’t that your job, though?
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: No. No, it isn’t. My job is to sort through legit messages from serious people, but now I can’t even do that anymore.
Zikoko: I get you. But Nigerians are achievers. It’s not our fault.
[Guinness World Record’s Inbox freezes]
Zikoko: G… [whispers] Guinness? Inbox?
[Guinness World Record’s Inbox opens his eyes]
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: Sorry. A Nigerian’s mail made it through. Had to move it to spam.
Zikoko: Ah!
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: Don’t judge me. I’ve seen enough to know what’s good for me now.
Zikoko: It’s not that bad.
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: Someone said they want to do a pray- [gags]
Zikoko: A-thon?
[Guinness World Record’s Inbox nods]
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: For 5,000 hours. Another said they’re doing an ACA-[gags]
Zikoko: [Sighs] a-thon
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: Yes. What does that even mean?
Zikoko: Some people are just joking. You know, faffing about.
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: That’s what we thought until someone said they were cooking for 120 hours, and everyone on the internet started hounding us to consider her. Why are we in it?
[Guinness World Record’s Inbox freezes]
Zikoko: Inbox?
[Guinness World Record’s Inbox opens his eyes]
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: Apparently, we have a new Ekiti branch.
Zikoko: Oh yeah, I saw that.
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: And you didn’t think to warn me?
[Guinness World Record’s Inbox moves through the crowd]
Zikoko: Where are you going?!
Guinness World Record’s Inbox: To do my job! Please, tell Ekiti people to let me REST. At least until next year!
