Zikoko walks into a big corner office in Meta’s HQ and sees Threads lounging in a big seat.

Threads: Welcome!

Zikoko looks around the office.

Threads: You like it, right? It’s mine.

Zikoko: Is it?

Threads: I have my own computer and chair, and look at my coffee station.

Zikoko looks at what Threads is pointing at — a tray with 3-in-1 coffee sachets, two plastic cups and a hot water flask.

Zikoko: So you left Twitter for…

Threads flies out of her executive chair and shuts the door.

Threads: Don’t say that name here.

Zikoko: But that’s your former employer.

Threads: Please, the fact that people make a couple threads on that app doesn’t mean anything. I’m my own boss now.

Zikoko: You answer to Instagram and Meta, so technically, you’re not.

Threads:

Did they send you?

Zikoko: Who? 

Threads: (whispers) Twitter. 

Zikoko:

Threads: 30 million sign ups in less than 24 hours is not beans o. They must be astonished by my good fortune. 

Zikoko: Okay, that was actually impressive. How did you do that?

Threads:

What can I say? The work speaks for itself.

Zikoko:

Threads: Look, it’s not my fault that app is going to shit. I didn’t tell anybody to put a daily limit on tweets or to make videos stop in the middle and start playing from the top again. I didn’t ask anyone to make their app glitch. It just did.

Zikoko: The app started to behave one kind sha.

Threads: Okay, you too you’re seeing it. That’s why I made my app. It’s a safe space for all who are tired of that mess. You already know the people on the app. You just have to sign in and… thread?

Zikoko:

Thread: Tread carefully.

Zikoko:

Threads: Yeah, me neither. Sew?

Zikoko: It’s not the worst. But “Tweet” still sounds better sha.

Threads: I’ll think up something better later.

Zikoko: You should.

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