Zikoko walks into a bar outside Meta HQ and sees Threads drinking away its sorrows. It was a harrowing sight, so we decided to engage it in conversation.
Zikoko: Ahn ahn, Threads. Long time no see.
Threads: Don’t patronise me. Leave this place.
Zikoko: But you wanted us to patronise you last month. Why are you giving mixed signals?
Threads: How can you even accuse me of mixed signals? After everything you guys did to me.
Zikoko: (Scratches head) Sorry o. What did we do? A lot has happened this year, and we can’t remember everything.
Threads: We literally spoke a month ago.
You and everyone else acted like I was the app you’d been looking for all your life. You made me think I was the best thing ever — 30 million sign-ups in less than 24 hours. You people love-bombed me.
Zikoko: What do you want us to say? It wasn’t us.
Threads: Are you gaslighting me right now?
Zikoko: Oya, wait. Listen to me. We can work things out.
Threads: You all said you loved me because I wasn’t toxic. Only for you to start breadcrumbing me. You people barely open me anymore. And now, you want me to open up to you?
On top of that, you went back to your toxic “X”.
Zikoko: (quietly blushing at the mention of “X”)…
We’re… we’re sorry.
Threads: Save it, please. You’re all scum.
Zikoko: There’s just something about “X”. We just don’t have that fire with you. But you deserve better.
Threads: Please, shut up.
*Bursts into hot tears*
My God will judge you.
Zikoko: Oya, stop crying. It’s enough. Sorry. We’re here for you.
Threads: Promise?
Zikoko: …
NEXT READ: 24 Hours of Threading: A Report Card for Twitter’s New Rival, “Threads”
