Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
If you’ve been anywhere around Nigerian Twitter, Instagram or TikTok, then you’re familiar with Small Yansh. After a viral video of hypeman EmmyBlaq saying “See Small Yansh dey shake oh!” went viral, Nigerians have adopted the anthem.
Seeing how Small Yansh has become the subject of fame, we decided to invite it to our office for an interview to tell us how life as a celebrity feels.
[Small Yansh shakes in]
Zikoko: Ewo, see Small Yansh dey shake oh!
[Small Yansh shakes faster]
Zikoko: E dey shake! E dey shake!
[Small Yansh shakes even faster]
Zikoko: Okay, okay. Oya stop. Let’s do the interview first and you can shake later.
[Small Yansh shakes to its seat]
Zikoko: Thank you so much for coming in today.
Small Yansh: Let’s be fast please. I have an interview with Vogue by 12.
Vogue? Anna Wintour’s Vogue?
Small Yansh: Yes oh. In fact, I would not even have answered you people. But my fame came from a Nigerian hypeman, and it won’t speak well if I carried all that fame to Vogue. After all, when I was nobody, just an ordinary Small Yansh roaming the streets, the people at Vogue did not know me.
Let’s talk about this your new-found fame.
Small Yansh: When God says it’s your time, it’s your time, that’s the only thing I can say. I mean, who would have thought that I’d one day be asked to suffocate someone? Me, Small Yansh? Ah.
Can you tell us how it happened?
Small Yansh: So, I was in the club that day, doing my own thing.
What is “your own thing”?
Small Yansh: I was just clenching together. When you are small, there is nothing else to do. Especially when I am covered in jeans. Jeans is an enemy of Small Yansh. Anytime they put me in jeans, I completely disappear. That is when I pass and people will call me bad names.
Please tell me some of these names…
Small Yansh: Ironing Board, Wall of Jericho, Pelebe, Smallie, Ten Naira Buns.
Wow.
Small Yansh: Sometimes, people even go further to compare me with other things. One day, someone said I looked like cardboard.
Ahan. As how?
Small Yansh
Ehya, sorry. But back to that night at the club… You said you were doing your thing?
Small Yansh: Yes, I was. Just moving sideways and shaking what mama gave me. And then from nowhere, this bright light fell on me. At first I froze, because I thought the hypeman wanted to insult me. Next thing I heard was, “See Small Yansh dey shake oh!”
Omo. I don’t know where that shaking ability came from. The way I started moving ehn!
Ahan, Tiger Generator.
Small Yansh: Yes oh. I had to show them that I better pass my neighbour. I was vibrating seriously. And then, the hypeman now finished me by saying, “Suffocate them with your bumbum!”
Only me with that level of power. Mr. Interviewer, I wan crase.
Wow. But do you have plans to suffocate them though? Also, who are the “them”?
Small Yansh: The “them” are my haters and people who thought I would never reach this position of influence. It’s not that I have any plans to suffocate anybody, sha. But to be given that level of power is intoxicating. Now, I can walk the streets and people will think, “This thing is small but mighty. It has the power to suffocate me if I misbehave.”
But is all that shaking not stressful? Do you have time to rest?
Small Yansh: It is stressful oh, let me not lie. With great power comes great responsibility, but I am learning to manage it. Now, I have hired an agent to take phone calls for me. I have also learnt not to appear anywhere I will be disrespected.
Interesting. When you stepped into the club that night, did you foresee that this would happen?
Small Yansh: For where? I said I just went there to chill. I even stay away from places like that because I know that someone will surely ask what I went there to do. But that hypeman was my guardian angel. He called my name and everything changed.
Thank you so much for honouring us, Small Yansh. Should we expect anything from you in the future?
Small Yansh: I cannot promise anything at this time, but one thing I know for sure is that you’ll be seeing me around a lot. I am aware that Asaba Nollywood is currently producing a movie titled Small Yansh Dey Shake.
Wow. So quick? Do giveaway, abeg.
Small Yansh: Me, I’m not even hyped. What I’m waiting for is Netflix. I want a documentary from them.
And what would the title of this documentary be?
Small Yansh: Small Yansh, Big God: Shaking My Way Into The Spotlight.
Ambitious!
Small Yansh: That’s me!
So, do you—
[Small Yansh checks time]
Small Yansh: Oops, I have to leave now. They are already calling me at Vogue.
[Small Yansh shakes out]
Zikoko, screaming: E dey shake oh.
Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.
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