Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
Today, many Nigerians are at work against their own will. While the world was waiting to sight the moon, the Nigerian government declared Wednesday and Thursday as a public holiday instead of Thursday and Friday which many Nigerians were hoping for.
On this week’s episode of Interview With, we sat down with the Moon to ask why it refused to appear when everyone expected thereby ruining everyone’s plans for the long weekend. The answers were… unexpected.
Zikoko: It’s good to have you here.
Moon: Thank you.
Would you like a glass of water?
This one you’re acting nice. Is this a set-up?
No oh. We are just trying to treat you specially because you are an influential personality.
Hian. Why the special treatment?
You didn’t appear when the world needed you the most.
But how is that my fault? I had to take my time too. If I’ll be making a major appearance, I might as well do it in a way you all can never forget.
Do you know that you are the reason many Nigerians are working today?
Did I send them work? Please oh, nobody should blame me for anything.
But how can we not blame you?
This is one thing I hate about Nigerians. Your house will be on fire and you will go ahead and start digging a gutter. The problem is right in front of you, but no, you will rather pick something else to blame.
Your government is the one at fault, but you called me here and started blaming me. If it’s not that I just finished fasting, I would have laid a curse on you.
Ahan, small play.
Please know the kind of play you will be playing next time.
Ahan, why is your own different in this Nigeria? Other countries knew I was coming and when they did not sight me on time, they waited. But Nigeria? No oh. They jumped and declared public holiday. If only your government will be that enthusiastic about important things.
But why did you not show up when everyone expected?
Again, why did your government declare public holidays when I had not given a sign of my coming?
Is that how impatient you all are? Is that how much you love public holidays?
Look, we are all tired in this country. Any opportunity of rest, we take it.
Every time rest. If you continue this way, you won’t have any notable achievements when you turn 23.
Look at me, for instance. When I was 23, I was already well known in all the seven continents. I had a mansion up in the sky, and I was being visited by astronauts. This is what you should aspire to, not just public holidays.
Is that all you have to say?
Moon: What else do you want me to say when your government is there to take the blame? If they cannot get the proper dates for a public holiday correctly, what is the assurance that they will do anything else correctly?
They had one job and they messed it up, and now you’re asking me questions. Better direct your questions to them.
You’re a really wicked soul.
At least I don’t have to work this Friday. Maybe finish your work first and then see if you have the strength to point out who is wicked and who is not.
Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.
