Going to a bank anywhere in Nigeria can be a very frustrating experience sometimes, but it can also be extremely amusing. The people you meet at any time can either make it worse or better for you.
1. The “ATM is not working” people
These ones are so quick to yell “ATM no dey work”. Brother nobody asked you.
2. The ones that want to enter the metal detector with you
No patience. No respect for personal space. These are the kind of people that will want to enter bathroom with you if they can.
3. The gateman that is very extra
“How is the week sir?”, “how is work?”, “can I clean your shoe for you?”, “let me help you hold your bag”. Brother calm down. Relax.
4. The pen borrowers
“Please can I borrow your pen”, “do you have an extra pen”. These are the ones that never took biros to an exam hall.
5. “Amatyour back please”
Nigerians never fail to do this. It’s like the rising of the sun. Just stay on the line yourself you won’t die now.
6. The impatient liars
“I was in front of you before you came”, “please my wife is in labor I need to cash this cheque quickly”. Are you serious right now sir?
7. The cashier that never has network
These ones are probably trying to bat their score on Solitaire or catching up on some gossip blog. They don’t even let you finish your question… “Please ma what is today’s dat..” “network is down”.
8. The ones that don’t know how to fill forms
These people are only pure stress. They will make you fill out about 10 different forms in the name of “I didn’t bring my glasses”. Please bring your glasses to the bank next time uncle.
9. The cashier that wants to give you N100 notes for a N10,000 withdrawal
Nothing as annoying as this happening. “we only have N100 notes” please keep it. It is me you want armed robbers to notice?
10. The oversabi customer service rep
These ones always go and ask their bosses for everything, have a company manual they consult before they do anything, and will ask you to bring your grandfather’s cap, the blood of an owl, Nnamdi Azikiwe’s NEPA bill and 10 other documents to collect your ATM. why?
11. The Fraudsters
“Please can you help me use this ATM card”, “I want to deposit money in your bank account and you will send it to me”. Not today Satan. Just run away.
12. The show offs
These ones walk into the bank and flash the cash so the N2,050 in your account begins to irritate you.
