1. The Nigerian uncle starter pack:
2. When you have to talk to him on the phone.
3. “You know I was there when your mummy gave birth to you.”
4. When he says “the last time I saw you, you were a baby,” but still asks if you remember him.
5. When he comes to visit and turns you into house-help.
6. When he swears he knows the most about football.
We’ve heard you.
7. “So, did your mummy cook?”
8. Whenever you don’t greet him properly.
9. Whenever he brings up the marriage topic around you.
10. When he promises you something but then acts brand new the next time you see each other.
11. When he cracks a dry joke, but you’re broke so you have to laugh.
12. When he says “you don’t call me” or “I’ve been trying your number.”
13. When he starts an argument about politics.
14. “You’re now big oh. Turn around let me see you well.”
15. That legendary goodbye handshake.
