1. When someone asks you if you’re one of the missing Chibok girls.
Stupidity has taken over you abi?
2. When people want to know if you have hair on your head.
No, it’s grass that grows on my head.
3. Getting asked “Do you really have to wear that thing on your head?”
Do you have to ask me dumb questions?
4. When people ask if you shower with your hijab.
Ode.
5. How people act surprised when they find out you actually have a brain like every normal human being
Nonsense!
6. When people give your hijab ridiculous names.
Na wa o!
7. When people assume you’re married and your husband “forced” you to wear the hijab.
I’m not even engaged, stupid.
8. When people tell you to take off your hijab.
Can I take your brain off too?
9. When people say you’re too pretty to be Muslim.
Shut up abeg!
10. When people say you will die single because you cover your hair.
Well, the brothers in my DMs think otherwise sha.
11. When people say you cannot be feminist.
So I should be misogynistic?
12. How people act shocked when you have an opinion.
Fly will just enter your mouth.
13. When lecherous men still cat-call you like “Alhaja to ta lenu”.
Are you alright?
14. When everybody calls you Alhaja and assumes you have already gone to Mecca.
But I don’t have Mecca money na.
15. That awkward moment when a man tries to shake your hand.
No vex habeg.
16. When people say it’s impossible for you to have a huge career but you’re actually winning at life.
Watch me, bruh!
17. When people still ask if you’re a Muslim after seeing you in the hijab.
Are you okay?
18. When people ask you why you bother to take care of your hair and body if you’re only going to cover them.
So I should be ashy and dirty abi?
19. When people assume you’re Hausa and Fulani and speak the language to you when they meet you.
Sorry oh, tribal prefect.
20. When you’re on your period and someone is still giving you sermon because you didn’t go to pray.
Olodo!
21. When your hijab pins stab you more than 10 times in one day.
Kuku kill me.
22. When you realise you have to sell all your properties to buy ordinary Abaya.
*Cries in empty bank account*
