1. When your parents start looking for your wedding venue the minute you start walking.
Can you just let me suck breast first?
2. When they buy toy car for your brother but buy you kitchen set.
I didn’t come to this life to cook plis
3. When they are sharing chores, this is your list while your brother’s list only has wash car on it.
4. This is the summary of the sex talk your mum gave you when you started your period
Just like that.
5. You can’t make any small mistake in your parents’ house without hearing is this how you’ll do it in your husband’s house.
Small mistake o
6. How your parents reacted when your brother managed to make noodles for the first time.
And it wasn’t even sweet sef
7. How they react when you make Jollof Rice, Asun, Fried Chicken but forget to fry Plantain to add
That’s how you’ll go and disgrace us in your husband’s house
8. How your parents reacted when your brother brought home a female friend
YOU’RE THE TRUE SON OF YOUR FATHER.
9. How they reacted the first time a boy just used side eye to look at you
If I see that boy again.
10. Once your mum noticed you were growing breasts these are the kind of clothes she started buying for you
You won’t disgrace me.
11. Meanwhile at school all the boys forgot where your eyes were located
Abi do you want Amadioha to punish you?
12. Going to buy bread down the street and before you even lock your gate one Emeka has come to profess his love to you.
I’m not interested please.
13. When a guy who was just toasting you starts abusing because you said you weren’t interested
So confused.
14. When you hear that a boy in school is telling everyone you slept with him because you shook his hand one time
But how?
15. When your parents spent your entire childhood chasing you away from boys now they’re asking you for husband.
As if they sell husband in the market.
16. When your parents’ reply to anything you do is ‘But when will you marry?’
Matriculation? When will you marry
Graduation? When will you marry?
NYSC? When will you marry?
It never really ends, does it?
17. Ever had the sex talk with your Nigerian parents? This is probably how it went.
