1. When you’re going somewhere in town and the cab man calls N500 for you.
Do you think this is Lagos?
2. When the cab man asks “where in Gwarimpa?” and you say “around charly bo…”
No vex.
3. When you hear how much it is to rent a self-contained flat in Asokoro.
BYE!
4. Abuja sun and hell fire.
Kill us oh!
5. You, dodging people you know whenever you go to Silverbird.
Na wa! Is everybody in Abuja here?
6. When you’re passing Ministers Hill and you see your junior driving a Bugatti.
See my life.
7. When your guys start rushing the small Yahuza suya you bought.
Hay God!
8. When you go to Wonderland and it’s not a public holiday.
Hian! Where is everybody?
9. Abuja people, when celebrities come into town.
Who send you?
10. Whenever you go to buy Grandsquare bread.
What is all this?
11. Your face, when you see VIO and the traffic light is red.
Jehovah!
12. You, after finishing your bowl of Habib yoghurt and fura.
Sigh! Is it fair?
13. When you have to drive through Area 11 on a friday afternoon.
The traffic from hell.
14. When you’re passing Kubwa expressway and you see people racing.
Don’t come and kill me.
