1. When you suddenly see cartons of juice and you know visitors are coming.
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It’s going down.
2. When your mother starts bringing out food you’ve never seen in the house before.
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Wow! Is it like that?
3. When you touch something in the fridge and hear “IT’S FOR THE GUESTS!”
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Chai! Is it fair?
4. When your mother wakes you up to clean your room before the visitors come.
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Is it my room they are entering?
5. Your mother, bringing out the special cutlery reserved for only visitors:
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Untouchable by anyone else.
6. When you hear the visitors arrive and you pretend to be asleep so you don’t have to go and greet.
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I don’t have energy, biko.
7. When your parents want you to still dress properly just to come outside and greet.
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Inside my own house again?
8. You and your siblings, greeting them in the presence of your parents:
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Before your parents start the ‘you don’t know how to greet’ lecture.
9. How your parents see you as soon as the visitors enter the house:
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Their unofficial waiter for the day.
10. Your parents face, when you linger in the parlour a little too long:
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See ehn, just run.
11. When your parents that just finished insulting you start praising you in front of their visitors.
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Oh? Wasn’t I just a stupid goat 5 minutes ago?
12. How your mother looks at you when the visitor offers you out of their food:
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Her eyes = ‘You want to die today’
13. You, waiting in your room for the visitors to leave your house.
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These ones should do and go.
14. When the visitors come with their children and you have to entertain them.
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Ugh! NO!
15. When your parents start acting fake nice to you in their visitor’s presence.
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Ah! Since when?
16. When the visitors are about to wash their own dishes and your mother tells them to leave it for you.
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Hian! As they want to wash it, nko?
17. How you feel when they finally leave:
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THANK YOU, GOD!
18. When your mother decides to “help you keep” the money they dashed you.
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You know it’s gone forever.