A lot goes into becoming a Nigerian landlord, and I’m not on about the finances. To be a Nigerian landlord, you must undergo a complete change in psyche and personality before you stand a chance of flourishing in this role. We will let you work out the money part on your own, but let us guide you on how to really own this role.
Trade your heart for bricks
This is the first step to becoming this overlord you are meant to be. By the time you finish the building, there should be no shred of humanity in you anymore. If somebody talks to you about “fear of God”, laugh in their face and tell them you are God. You get the drift now, don’t you? Now, you can condemn your tenants to pay two-years rent in advance plus any additional charges you cook up and give a name. You are a god in your own rights, you can’t fear any man.
Be a disappearing act
The moment you collect your money, you’ve been absolved of all responsibilities. The house is the tenant’s to take care of now. As such, you can go on an extended vacation in your own parts of the house.
If by chance they get a hold of you and complain about a defect like NEPA has ‘cut the light’, or a sink is faulty, give them an excuse and continue on your merry way. When they are tired, they will fix whatever is wrong.
Have a low threshold for nonsense
As we said, you are a god and your rule can’t be questioned. Make life terrible for your tenants as much as you can. If they start acting like they own the house and start questioning your authority, let them know the fire that they are playing with is a raging one. They could be acting out in any way, so you have to get your guard up and read in between the lines; the generator they let run for hours because you hardly have light, the friend they keep bringing into the house, or the kind of music they like to play. You have to pay attention to all this nonsense and take care of them before they become full-blown crises.
Have a knack for doing things on impulse
You cannot think things through before you do them, k? You can wake up one morning and decide to raise the rent. Nothing do you. They will pay up. No problem here; you are only acting your role, and they understand.
Be a hub of wisdom
Oh yes, you have to play the role of the old wise sage too. It might be a little tiring sometimes, but see it as one of those things that come with a dream job. As much as you can, get a hold of your tenants, especially the ones you hate the least and tell them stories about your life. Give them proper advice and throw it in there somewhere that if they follow them, they will soon become landlords themselves. However, confirm that they are in haste before you kick these talks off. More importantly, take some joy in their impatience and relish how good your life is.
