You’ve decided you want to go out to turn up. Good for you. But if you truly want to have a good time at whatever event you attend, don’t go out with any of these people because they’ll frustrate you one way or another.
Couples
Go out with a couple, and you’ll regret it. All they know how to do is annoying PDAs and to exchange saliva any chance they get. I invited you out for drinks not a dry hump.
Ambiverts
At least with introverts, you know they prefer to stay home. Ambiverts have on and off days, and sometimes, they don’t even know they don’t want to be out until they’re actually out. God help you if you’re out with an ambivert on a day they want to stay in. They’ll annoy you by constantly acting like they’re being punished. They won’t even try to have fun;, they’ll sit in a corner and press their phones. Meanwhile, they’re the ones who asked to go with you. Chisom, we just got here; stop asking if we can leave.
9-5ers
9-5ers are full-blown party animals. It’s like they channel all the stress from their work into energy for turn up. When you go out with them, you’ll be exhausted within one hour. If you’re out with bankers, architects or lawyers to be precise, just be ready to stay out till 5 a.m. They don’t know when to call it a night, even when they have work the following day.
Lightweights
They never know their alcohol limits, so they end up drinking to stupor and misbehaving. Instead of shaking your ass on the dance floor, you’ll be taking care of somebody else’s child in the toilet.
ALSO READ: The Zikoko Guide to Drinking at a Party
People who live with their parents
They’ll try to include you in one stressful lie or scheme so that they can be out. When they’re finally out, they’re paranoid about getting caught. Can’t even post them on your insta story in case one grand cousin’s sister’s daughter accidentally finds your page. Omo, Tunde, this isn’t what I signed up for. Then there are the ones with 9 p.m. curfews, who try to make you leave early too. You and who? Do I leave with your parents?
People who live far away
They always have to leave early because their house is far from civilisation. You sef should know better than to invite somebody from FESTAC out at night. If you want them to stay longer, you have to give them a place to sleep.
Gym buffs
Latest 7 p.m., they’re heading back home because they have to go to the gym the next morning. And while they’re out, they won’t eat or drink certain things because it’s not part of their diet. And they’ll judge you while you’re eating your shawarma and fries at 11 p.m. As if you’re on the diet with them.
Influencers
All they want to do is record videos of every single thing that’s happening, all in the name of content. Instead of properly partying, they’re shooting “Come turn up with me on a Friday night” vlogs. If you give them the chance, they’ll carry tripod to the club.
Zikoko staff
We’re not normal people. We’ll ask you to do weird things like mix vodka with jollof rice, then you’ll end up with diarrhoea at the club.
ALSO READ: All You Need to Know Before Attending a House Party in Nigeria
