Have you ever applied for a job as say, a writer or product designer, and the company says you have to first submit your CV and then portfolio before jumping through six interview stages that involve tests, meeting with executives and so much more wahala? Because of ordinary writing or Figma? This needs to stop.
These are the only jobs, as far as Nigeria is concerned, that should require more than two interview stages.
Signed, Zikoko.
President
It’s not like we’re saying Bubu is an incompetent president o, but we’re certain he didn’t go through any interview stages. They just gave the whole country paper and ink, and whoever’s name came out as most voted was crowned Grand Commander of the Order of the Federal Republic. With the results we’re seeing, something is wrong with that hiring process, abi what do you think?
The person flying you to your japa destination
You see the pilots flying from Lagos to Winnipeg? Please let them study to show themselves approved. Let it not be that it’s when it’s someone’s turn to japa that the pilot now didn’t know road again. May our enemies not see our underwear.
Wole Soyinka’s barber
Wole Soyinka’s hair itself is a national treasure. Whoever is the barber in charge of it needs to know this and treat it with respect. But it seems like Wole Soyinka already knows this, and his hair is in good hands
People that do herbal mixtures
As a person who likes your life, why would you drink a “herbal mixture” advertised to cure COVID and cancer while making you the richest person in the world? And you bought for ₦120 o at Iyana Ipaja. Why?
The person in charge of food at owambes
You need someone who’ll be able to look your guests in the eye and say food has finished while sitting on one jumbo cooler of untouched jollof rice and chicken. It requires a high level of skill and witchcraft that many do not possess.
Mechanics
If you’re ready to buy AC compressor for ₦120k three times a year, then sure, go ahead and pick any roadside mechanic and let them do things to your car. A smart car owner would request the MIT engineering certificate of his potential mechanic to avoid unnecessary billing.
Your wedding makeup artist
My sister in Christ, you have only one wedding. Imagine your makeup artist… fucks up. God forbid o.
Amala bukka people
These are the things the government needs to take seriously. Imagine someone opening a bukka for amala, and it’s bad amala they’re selling. The butterfly effect could topple governments. Bad amala equals bad stomachs equals bad moods equals angry people equals wars, and so on.
Intro-tech teachers
At the first stage, they need to prove that they can actually teach intro-tech. The next stage is a test of their flogging abilities. Then the final stage is finding out if they have a happy life. Of course, as a rule, intro-tech teachers have to be sadistic men who derive pleasure in flogging students like their lives depend on it.
Government hospital nurses
You can’t just hire any nursing school graduate to work at a government hospital. There are requirements. Do they like gossip? Is their name Titi? Are they rude and wicked to all and sundry? These are the issues.
Tattoo artists
If you don’t verify that a tattoo artist knows their onions and they do irreversible nonsense on your skin, there’s only one person to blame: you.
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