We saw Dangote’s bum on the internet
No one asked for this. No one thought it was possible. But it happened. Why?
People moaned for money on the internet
Even if you’re not a believer in the end times, listening to a moaning contest on Twitter should’ve been enough to convince you that this life is a game on someone’s laptop. What’s more, the person playing it is bored and just poking around.
Will Smith slapped Chris Rock
And we all watched it live. Was that even real?
Our currency had the ugliest makeover
Look at these notes and tell me they look real to you. Even when you’re holding them, they don’t look real.
Naira gained value against the naira
Naira has been falling against the dollar all our lives, so that’s normal. But just six months ago, naira was gaining against the naira in the parallel POS market. We were buying cash with more cash. Crazy times.
The Ooni of Ife became King Solomon
He was taking wives faster than some of us can get through one talking stage. At the end of two months, this man had six wives. The stuff of legend… or scriptures.
World War 3 almost happened
Remember that time they bombed one of the top generals in Iran, and we were all making jokes on Twitter about another world war? What were we thinking?
The worst part: being Nigerian in Nigeria
Everyday here is an exercise in figuring out if it’s real life. The cost of staying alive is unreal; it feels like the people behind this simulation want us to leave by force.
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