We’ve discussed some topics on Twitter since the first time Buhari ran Nigeria — as head of state. Are we not tired? It’s time to put the following Twitter topics to rest.
Where to press toothpaste from
Let everyone just buy their individual toothpaste so we can rest.
Who is the music GOAT
There’s no day people don’t bring up Wizkid vs Davido or who is the ultimate GOAT between the big four(Olamide, Wizkid, Burna and Davido). How about you work on how you can become the GOAT in your life? Or maybe just enjoy music without comparing.
Who should cook and clean in a relationship
I can’t believe this topic still comes up in 2022. If grown adults can’t decide how to handle chores in their homes, leave them alone. You shouldn’t waste time going back and forth with people like that. If we all don’t say anything to them when this topic comes up, maybe it’ll finally die.
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Partner vs career
Someone is always trying to decide between travelling abroad for school/work and staying back with their partner who has threatened to end the relationship if they go. The correct answer will always be for you to carry your luggage out of that relationship and into the abroad. Now, nobody should ask us again.
Who is spending what on dates
If you like someone and want to get to know them, you take them out on a date. Simple and short. How much you spend on the date is based on what you can afford. If they don’t like what you can afford, move on. Now that I’ve solved this problem, can this topic not be brought up on Twitter again?
Dinner with Jay-Z
I want to erase all the versions of this question. This scenario you people enjoy so much will never happen; nobody will be asked to choose between millions of dollars and dinner with a celebrity. Please, rest.
Who should sit in the back seat of the car between your mother and girlfriend?
For peace to reign, let the mother and girlfriend do rock, paper, scissors. The winner gets the front seat.
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Overpriced food in restaurants
I’m tired of people complaining about overpriced trash food in Nigerian restaurants. Lagos restaurants, especially, will charge you ₦50k for one spoon of rice, all in the name of fine dining. The topic comes up every three months. By now, people should be well aware they’ll likely spend a lot of money on food in Nigerian restaurants.
How women nowadays are different from our mothers
The men always complaining about this should go and date their mothers so we can hear word. Every five seconds, “Women of nowadays aren’t as prayerful and hardworking as our mothers were.” Pele, you’ll be fine.
Everyone cheating
Most times, this topic comes up when someone has chopped breakfast. Then you’ll see, “All Nigerian men do is lie and cheat.” Then an argument starts about who cheats more between men and women. Everyone is cheating. Please, don’t be afraid to do your own.
People abroad telling Nigerians not to come
The most annoying recurrent tweets I never want to see again are the ones from Nigerians abroad, telling us in Nigeria not to come over. “Dear Nigerians coming to Canada, there’s nothing great about living here…” If you don’t shut up your dirty mouth! Come back now if it’s not great.
Japa, if you can
Every time something terrible happens in Nigeria, the Japa warriors come out to remind us to leave the country. As if all you have to do is go to the airport and enter plane. Please, everyone should behave themselves and not bring up this topic again.
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Which food is trash
People who don’t like a particular food always feel the need to tweet that it’s trash. And na so fight dey start. Please, can we all just accept we all have different tastes when it comes to food? So that this argument can rest.
Private vs public universities
One type of uni (the religious ones especially) treats grown adults like children by putting them under foolish strict rules. The other type delays students from graduating on time due to staff strikes. Neither private nor public universities are great. Know this, and stop arguing, for God’s sake.
Who should submit to who
Submit to yourself, please.
Abuja vs Lagos
Lagos and Abuja people won’t allow somebody hear word. As long as you’re living in Nigeria, there’s nothing much to brag about; we’re all in the ghetto. I’m adding the island vs mainland argument to this too.
What’s a red flag?
If I see that stupid red flag emoji again, I’ll fight. I believe all the red flags have been stated since this topic emerged three years ago. Can we stop now?
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