Reconnecting with an old friend can be tricky. On the one hand, you’re excited to pick things up from where you left off; on the other hand, you want to curb your enthusiasm in case they’re no longer the person you used to know.
From the good, awkward, and totally nostalgic, these Nigerians share what it felt like reuniting with old buddies from the past. Here’s what they had to say.
Hassan*, 36
I lost contact with my secondary school best friend after we graduated. I didn’t have a phone, and she didn’t have one either. We only shared our Facebook usernames with each other, and that was it. After school, I didn’t have access to the internet because I didn’t have a phone and hardly had enough to spend at the café. By the time I got to uni, I’d forgotten all about her because I made new friends. One day, I got a friend request from someone on Facebook, which was hers. After I accepted the request, I sent a barrage of messages in hopes she’d be as happy to reconnect as I was. This babe didn’t respond until two days later, and even when she did, it was monosyllabic responses. It was weird because I wondered why she sent a friend request if she wasn’t interested in catching up. Something about her tepid response made me move on. She’s still on my Facebook, but we barely text.
Bukunmi*, 28
I once had a “na me fuck up” moment that has made me careful in how I reconnect with old school friends. I approached this friend from secondary school, and she denied me, as Judas did Jesus. She moderated a panel at a conference I attended, and while she was speaking, I realised she was my friend from school. We weren’t best friends, but we were quite close. I approached her to introduce myself, and she feigned complete ignorance. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’d heard people do things like that, but it was the first time I experienced it. After that encounter, I stopped making the first move whenever I saw former schoolmates.
Jeremiah*, 28
I didn’t have a bestie in primary school, but I had three friends: Kunle, Segun, and Kenneth. Our parents wanted us to attend the same government boarding school, but I was the only one who got in. The other three got into different schools; that was the last I heard of them. However, I met Kenneth again during my second year at university. At the cafeteria that day, someone yelled my name and surname. I didn’t recognise the person when I turned to see who it was. He had a big build and full beard. When he got closer, I realised it was someone I knew, and when he gave his full name, it jogged my memory. We spent the rest of that day catching up, and I learnt he was two years ahead of me in school. After that day, we met a couple more times and became friends, just like the primary school days.
Soon, I realised Kenneth avoided me whenever he was with his level mates and was always condescending. Apparently, it didn’t look good on him that he was moving with a junior student. It didn’t take me long to shut down the budding friendship.
Qudus*, 31
We moved houses a lot when I was young because of my dad’s job, so I had to change schools several times. It’s hard to remember, but I must have attended about four to six primary schools growing up. This constant moving meant I couldn’t stay long enough to make friends in the schools. Now that I think about it, I can barely remember anyone from my primary school days. My mum once showed me pictures from the graduation party in primary six, and I had no idea who the people in the pictures were. Even if anyone reaches out to me from that time, I don’t think I’ll be receptive, except if we build the friendship from scratch. Most of my current friends are from university and just a handful from secondary school.
Tobi,* 34
I had a best friend in primary school called Adamu. We were classmates and seat partners. He was much taller than I was and always defended me from bullies. We also used to play in school together after closing hours, especially on days when either of our parents showed up late. At some point, our parents also became friends. Then, one day, Adamu didn’t show up at school. A day soon turned into weeks and months. Nobody knew why, not even the school management. It was like he vanished off the face of the earth. Later, I heard his family relocated to Abuja. I remember feeling so lonely. In 2009, when I opened my first Facebook account, he was one of the first people I searched for. Several profiles came up, but they were mostly older people with the same name.
Then, in 2016, my long-lost bestie popped up on Instagram. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He obviously had a different username; there was no way I’d have thought to search for that name. I checked his pictures, and there he was, my long-lost friend. I didn’t hesitate to follow up and send a DM introducing myself. I didn’t have to say too much because he also recognised me. We spent the next hour trying to catch up and even exchanged WhatsApp numbers. But in the days that followed, something about our conversation felt plastic. He tried to be courteous, but I could tell he wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was. In the eight years that we reconnected, I don’t think we’ve texted up to 10 times. We just view each other’s status on WhatsApp, and that’s about it.
Taiye*, 40
I can remember some of my friends from primary school, but I can’t say I’ve gotten in touch with any since I left. We didn’t have social media or mobile phones, so it was difficult. I think it’s also a thing where I forgot most of the connections in primary school after making new friends in secondary school. Even when social media became a thing, I was never curious to look up anyone. Although I found a Facebook page for my primary school, it’s mostly the older sets there.
Blessing*, 30
I’ve had too many embarrassing experiences to expect anything good from primary or secondary school friends. Most of us were still in our formative years, and I don’t think the friendship we thought we had was built on anything solid. It’s why someone you consider your school bestie would see you and act like you’re a stranger, try to be standoffish when you try to reminisce about shared experiences or use your social standing to judge how they’ll interact with you.
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