You’ve finally escaped your village people and arrived in Papa Charlie’s London, but nothing is giving as you imagined because cold wants to finish you.
Don’t worry, it’s just the winter. Prepare to relate to these things.
The cold hits once you step outside the airport

Your Yaba winter jacket was found shivering.
Bed cold as ice

Prepare to “microwave” everything before you sleep, so you don’t end up like Jack in Titanic.
The weather playing hide and seek

It’s the most difficult period to predict the weather. It could be sunny and warm today, and the next day looks like a scene from Winterfell.
4 p.m. looking like Naija 9 p.m.

But everyone else sees it as normal, so you have to pretend you don’t think the world is coming to an end.
Random love for tea

By fire or by force or by “this cold won kill me”.
Mood swings you don’t understand

Don’t worry, it’s not you. It’s the cold threatening to freeze your brain from inside out.
Outside is not calling your name

All the “I’ve arrived pictures” and “hang out” plans will have to wait because na who dey alive dey breathe.
No more outdoor parties

This one will remind you of Nigerian parlour parties.
Dressing like Nollywood’s version of a mad person

Winter you do this one. But you’ll feel better when you see everyone else dress like you.
Skin like ashes

This one will make you remember Nigeria’s Harmattan.
Laundry takes days to dry

On top of this, you’ll have to deal with all the haunting flashbacks of your wash-and-wear days in Nigeria.
The heating costs

You’ll now have the sweetest memories of PHCN killing you with heat at no extra cost.
Winter festivals

Especially Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. Should you choose life or freezing enjoyment?
The days are shorter

The Nigerian in you will ask, “Ahn ahn. When did 5 p.m. knack?”
Flu is after your life

You’ll start reading the news to be sure it is the catarrh you know and not another variant of COVID. God, abeg.

You’ll have your fill of grilled, peppered or fried meat and many more at Zikoko’s meat festival on November 11. Have you bought your Burning Ram ticket? You can do that real quick here.