Horrible exes are the great common denominator. Most of us have them – people that we, at some point, thought or hoped would be the one but by the end of the relationship, we were like WTAF. As today is the day after Valentine’s Day, we got four Nigerian men to tell us about their absolute worst ex.
Emmanuel, Straight, 27.
In my third year at university, I was dating this babe that was in her second year and I was spending all the money I didn’t have on her. My parents paid for my rent and gave me a ten thousand Naira allowance every week and sometimes, my mum would send something in between. I also had a small gig doing graphics. So I was balling on campus back then or would have if I did not decide to die on this woman’s matter. A few months into the relationship, I realized that all she did was come to my house to eat my food and watch TV. She had a habit of missing classes too. All she did when she wasn’t eating my hard-earned food was ask for money. Man, I was stressed. Anyways, I discovered she was sleeping with a guy in her year that lived in my compound. Sometimes, I would return to my compound and see her seated at the guy’s pavement waiting for me. I thought it was just because she knew him as they were in the same year. One day, I came back and saw her coming out trying to set her wig straight and the guy was wearing loose boxers and I just clocked it. I cried like a child they stole his sweet that day but we move.
Ayomide, Gay, 23.
I dated this guy back in 2018. He seemed cool. It was fun, he was charming, sex was great, my feelings for him were growing strong. Basically, all of those things that happen in relationships. And then I fell sick. I was admitted to the hospital. I informed this guy via text because I couldn’t talk. I didn’t get a reply. I eventually mustered up the strength to call him several times. He didn’t pick. Eventually, texts stopped going, calls stopped going. I had been blocked and ghosted. Anyways, it hit me like a Big Mac truck and I was sad as hell. I also cried a lot. I could barely eat because of one stupid man. Eventually, I got over him. And then after a few months, I saw this guy at a place I went to get food with a work colleague. I avoided him but this man came over to say ‘hi’ pretending nothing happened. He even offered to buy me food. I would have lost it and broken something on his head if I wasn’t over him already.
Seun, Straight, 32.
In 2017, I dated this babe who came from a very affluent family. Her family, however, did not like me. The babe also had some issues – she told me she had had bad relationship experiences in the past and I eventually clocked that all of that had left her very insecure and needy. Man, she was beautiful but the stress? Jesus. Anyways, her uncle helped me get a job because of her. I didn’t know it but she had figured out my phone’s password and read texts between someone else and I and saw that I was being flirty. She got so enraged and was talking about how she should have figured out I was like the rest of her exes. She left the house that night. She blocked my number. Two days later, I got a sack letter and they said it was ‘due to performance’. I just took it and left.
Meshach, Straight, 27.
My ex-girlfriend used to get really angry. It didn’t happen often but when she got angry, it would be very bad and violent. The problem is that on other days, she’s pretty good. Smart, funny and nice. But when she is angry, she is something else. One day, we had one of those ‘we are both irritated’ types of quarrels. She attempted to pour the soup she was making on me. That was when it started to click in me that this isn’t working. I left the day she broke this floor-length mirror I had in my room when we argued about her mum. She broke the mirror and shards touched me and she didn’t even flinch. I just stepped outside and after a while, I asked her to leave and that was it. God forbid.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
