Traditionally, marriage is designed to be a life-long commitment between two people. Sometimes, people go against the norm and seek emotional and sexual solace with people other than their spouses. I spoke to seven married men about cheating on their wives, why they do it and what the future of their marriages look like.
Ben
Well, yeah, I had an affair. It was only natural. I never wanted to marry my wife. I was forced by both my family and hers. She also wanted to be married at all costs. I told her from the start that I didn’t love her and I didn’t want to end up being a divorcee but she believed that it’ll still work out. It still hasn’t.
I’m not going to let my wife stop me from being with the love of my life. My family prevented us from getting married. That’s a whole other story. My wife knows I’m having an affair and honestly, I don’t care.
Ifeanyi
I’ve been married for five years. I started having an affair in 2018. Some time ago, my marriage wasn’t doing well. One night, I went out for drinks with my friends and met her. We chatted for a bit and met up for drinks. Not too plenty sef. Maybe 10 times. She knew I had a wife. We had sex a couple of times but there wasn’t anything serious between us. At the time, I just needed it to get my mind off the trouble at home.
Eventually, na Whatsapp cast me. My wife read our chat but didn’t say anything about it for several months until, one day, we were having a great time and I joked about how lucky she is to have a good guy like me. She went ballistics. She flipped big time. I’d never seen her so angry. She kept trying to video call the girl so we could have a “family conversation.” Luckily, the girl wasn’t with her phone.
I slept in a hotel for three nights. I just kept apologizing and begging. Eventually, she said we were cool and that I was forgiven. But she kept threatening me almost daily, saying she would deal with me physically and spiritually if she ever catches me messing up again. That’s how I ran away from her o. We’re separated now.
Uno
I’ve been married for three years. I started cheating on my wife with my boss last month. There’s no reason why I do it. I guess I’m just an asshole. I didn’t go out looking to cheat. My boss asked me to kiss her one night after drinks and that’s how we started. It’s been on for a month now and the sex is amazing but I’m not sure how to stop it now.
Olujay
I feel terrible about it, but I’m using this as an outlet for the guilt that has been eating me up. I’ve been seeing my side chick for five years. I lied to her that I was in an unhappy marriage and made her believe I was with her for the right reasons. Eventually, she found out I wasn’t being honest and she’s seeing a therapist because of me! I didn’t mean for it to happen but it is what it is, right?
Akpan
I’ve been married for five years. In that time, I’ve had four mistresses. These aren’t flings. They’re more like women who are aware I’m married and I’m partly committed too.
My oldest mistress is a married woman. We’ve been dating since before I met my wife. She’s even friends with my wife, making it a lot harder for my wife to suspect anything. Another mistress is a single mum. We’ve had really strong chemistry from the first day we met and we never had sex until three years after. In a way, she was a sort of conquest for me, being a woman with strong Christian values. The other two are just young babes looking for sugar and daddy in the same person. I’m a sweet man, so I play the role well.
The truth, as cliche as it sounds, is that it’s just the sex for me, nothing else. I like the rush of the conquest; knowing that I can be with any woman gives me an ego boost. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my wife. She literally gets the best of everything, even the sex. But whew, IT IS an expensive habit. I spend millions every year on this vice. I rented an apartment for one of them, set up a business for another, and sent another one to Dubai. The gifts are endless. The bills? Just insane. I make a million naira monthly which, quite honestly, would be more than enough, if not for my mistresses. My wife doesn’t really know how much I earn so it’s easy to get away with.
Do I regret it? Not yet. There are times I’m afraid I’ll regret it all in the future, but right now? I love it. I’ll definitely put an end to it when I go to Mecca and become an Alhaji. Maybe then, I’ll take a second wife. I’ve been having a rethink recently, so I ended things with two of them now. Maybe I’ll end one other one, leaving me with my first mistress. She’s a special woman. We weren’t just destined to get married.
If my wife cheats on me, I honestly have no idea what I’d do. But I’m 100% certain that it won’t be the end of our marriage. She’s more than a pretty face so I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.
Read: 6 Nigerian Men Share Their Biggest Insecurities In The Bedroom
Femi
Let me not lie, I’ve been married for four years and I’ve had two mistresses. The first was two years ago. She booked us tickets to the 2018 World Cup in Russia and said she wanted to marry me, despite knowing I was married. I sharply ran away. I go watch the World Cup for television abeg. Then she got mad and called my wife when I broke it off. I saw terrible things. Wahala scatter everywhere. She was determined to leave. I wish I could quantify the begging that I did but she eventually forgave me.
And then the next one came. We met at a house party. It was nothing sexual at first; we just had good chemistry and talked like normal friends. Later, I found out that she lived only a few streets away from me. Next thing, I was going there to chill. Then sex entered the equation.
She eventually moved away from Surulere. A few months later, I also moved away and boom, I found out she was only a few streets away too. We continued again. The last time we had sex, she has said she wanted wine. I said, let me just drop wine for her, as per good friend. When I got there, she opened the wine and we began to drink and watch Netflix. Next thing, we were tipsy and she was begging me to stay some more. That’s how we started and I found out she already shaved, meaning she had planned it all. On my way home, I blocked her. It’s like these women reserve their best sex for married men because what the hell? She wanted to ruin my life.
In this Lagos, even if you don’t chase them, they will chase you, as long as you’re married. One day, I woke up and met a Whatsapp message that read “When are you giving me this penis?” And this is someone I’ve never seen before. We married men sef ya weyrey. Only God can save us.
Soji
There’s this girl in my office. I met her while I was dating my wife. I was flirting with her but she always posted me, so I gave her space. The moment I got married, she started giving green light. She says this way, there won’t be any attachment. Wetin man go do? We’ve only had sex twice but I feel guilty most time.
I’ve also found out that she’s quite jealous and doesn’t want me getting too close to any other woman in the office. Her sister also wants to sleep with me but that’s a story for another day. I’m not sure I want to; that’s a line I’m not willing to cross.
Read: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Vasectomies
QUIZ: How Often Do You Cheat In Relationships?
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