If you didn’t get the memo, you’re getting it now. The Society of Toxic Masculinity has declared that it is gay for any man to be seen carrying any of these items
1. A handbag
Are you modelling for Chanel? Why are you carrying bag? Instead of squeezing all your belongings into two pockets.
2. An umbrella
It’s better for the rain to beat you as an alpha male. If they ask you why your clothes are wet, tell them that’s how real niggas do.
3. Lip balm
Lip balm? Don’t you know it’s gay to have healthy, moisturised lips?
4. Anything in pink
Are you really a real man if you own anything in pink? It’s obviously better to declare war on a whole colour just because it’s not “manly” enough.
5. A fanny pack
Fanny packs are only for the women and the gays. Real men don’t carry fanny packs. In fact they don’t carry anything at all.
6. Painkillers
Why would you use painkillers when you can just bear the pain like a real man?
7. A banana
Real man don’t eat bananas. Real men don’t mind being deficient in potassium because eating bananas is gay. I don’t make the rules.
8. Feelings
As a real man, you must never have feelings. You must keep everything in you chest, even though you’re about to explode.
