My Bro is a weekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.
Foluso and Gbolahan may have met in a high-pressure environment, but best believe their five-year friendship is pressure-free and smooth AF. If they weren’t bankers, they could be comedians with their comedic timing and constant dragging of one another.
In this episode of My Bro, they talk about bonding over heartbreak, using amebo to hold their long-distance friendship together and why Foluso won’t get to be Gbolahan’s best man at his upcoming wedding.
Our origin story
Gbolahan: We met for the first time at the Access Bank training school in 2017. You were this social butterfly, and whenever something came up in class or they asked for volunteers, you’d stand and rush to the front. I was like, “Oga, abeg, calm down.”
Anyway, you eventually noticed my friends and I were the real cool kids and started begging to join our clique.
Foluso: You’re such a bloody liar! Apart from the start, where you called me a social butterfly, everything else is a lie. Me? Beg to join your clique? You’re not serious. I was the happening boy back then, not you.
For some reason, since we were in the same class, we just started talking and clicked.
First impressions
Foluso: The first thing I noticed was your big head. Like, how can someone’s head be like that? You used to feel like this bad boy because you were the only one with an iPhone 8 (or was it even 10) in our class at that time, and everyone liked taking pictures with your phone.
Gbolahan: It was an iPhone 8. And even if I was forming bad boy, at least, I wasn’t a womaniser like you. You were always with different girls moving up and down.
Foluso: Gbolahan, you? Don’t act like you weren’t a womaniser too. Other people didn’t know because you were very lowkey, but we, your guys, knew this thing.
Gbolahan: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Foluso: Let me not cast you now that you’re about to become a married man.
We became friends when I saw him crying over a babe
Gbolahan: I feel like the whole process of surviving the training school brought us closer. Omo, the pressure was a lot. We had so much to read and study for, there was no way anyone could’ve made it out of that place without people to laugh and study with. Everyone just needed to find their own person.
Foluso: True. But there was something you did for me I don’t remember now that really made us close friends. I was shocked someone I’d known for only a month would be selfless enough to step up like that. Damn, I wish I could remember what it was. Do you?
Gbolahan: Awww. I can’t remember.
But I feel the turning point was when you cried to me because of a babe.
Foluso: Gbolahan, why do you want to disgrace me in public? God o!
Gbolahan: But it’s good to cry. LOL.
Were you in a weird situationship or was it even love? I don’t know. Anyway, I just saw you that day in your white shirt and rolled up sleeves, cleaning your eyes. I think I asked you what happened, and we went to a pepper soup joint, where you gave me the whole gist. At that point, I was like, “If this guy can cry like this in front of me, then we’re bonded for life. Might as well just meet my family.”
Foluso: You want this babe to read this thing and know I cried because of her?
Gbolahan: My friend, you had plenty babes, abeg. Like three babes can read this and think it was about them. And you’ve cried for babes at least twice in front of me. Once during training school and another time after.
I’m going through a lot as your friend. Somebody needs to save me.
Foluso: LOL. It’s because you’re easy to talk to. Everyone knows you’re emotionally open to people, and it’s easier to be vulnerable in front of someone like that. But in my defence, it was like one tear drop because this babe kissed another guy in front of everybody. It was fucked up because the guy she kissed was in our class.
It’s been five years sha. We move!
Life after training school
Gbolahan: After training school, I got posted back home to Abuja, and you stayed in Lagos. It was easy for us to keep in touch because we worked in the same organisation and shared the same struggles. If I called my other friends to complain about work, they wouldn’t get it, but I knew it’d be easy to have those conversations with you.
Foluso: Three days was the longest time we went without talking to each other. If you didn’t call me, I’d go on Twitter to drag you, or I’ll call and threaten not to be your best man.
I just realised we’ve never had a serious fight because you don’t get angry. How can I fight someone who doesn’t get angry? Even your babe complains about it.
Gbolahan: I don’t get why people fight. I feel it’s a waste of time because one party could say sorry, and that’s the end, but you’ve spent all this time shouting for nothing. But people have started showing me madness small small, so who knows? We might have our fight soon.
He came through for me
Foluso: You’re my relationship therapist. I always hit you up every time I start having relationship wahala because you’re the one person I can trust to keep it real with me. I think there was a time I had this very low moment in my current relationsh-
Gbolahan: Ehen, that was the second cry. I was waiting for you to say it by yourself.
Foluso: Who asked you?
Anyway, I was down bad, and I called you, weeping. I was the one who fucked up, and you didn’t sugarcoat it. But another thing you did was call me every day to ask how I was doing and if I’d eaten. It was like having a temporary babe. It was a rough time, and you were there for me throughout.
Gbolahan: I’m the reason you’re still in a relationship because if I leave you now, you’ll start moving mad.
This year has been a lot for me, with my dad getting a kidney transplant and my wedding happening in December. The pressure has been getting wessa. But you’ve been a constant in my life, someone I can call when I’m so tired and confused. It’s the little moments for me. Just having you listen when I need you.
We’ve been through a lot. You might even witness my first cry soon.
Foluso: Abeg, I’ve seen you cry before, even though it was like for one second. It was about your dad’s liver transplant.
Gbolahan: It was a kidney transplant.
Foluso: Are you sure? I think it was a liver transplant.
Gbolahan: On top of my own father again?
What holds our friendship together?
Foluso: You definitely hold this friendship together. I always say I’ll call you back, but you do most of the actual calling.
Gbolahan: You always take me for granted.
Foluso: Pele. But it’s because I know you’ll always be there for me. It’s crazy that we could have those long three-hour calls.
Gbolahan: It’s because we like amebo, which really holds our friendship together. We dey do amebo die!
I know everything about everyone you know and tell you everything too. Let’s say I go for a wedding in Lagos. There’s a high chance we’ve done amebo about one or two people there, so it’s easier for me to integrate myself into the group. LOL. Amebo is nice sha.
Foluso: It’s seamless for us.
The big separation
Gbolahan: Even though we’ve always lived in different cities, I can’t believe you’re about to japa and leave me in this country. You’ll also miss my wedding.
Foluso: But it’s your fault. You were supposed to do it next year when I’d be around. Now, you’ve moved it to December. Guy, I actually cried.
Gbolahan: Cry number three?
Foluso: Fuck off! I was intoxicated and broke down in front of my girlfriend, talking about how I won’t be your best man. LOL.
Gbolahan: Ehya. The wedding will still be lit without you.
This friendship has changed me
Foluso: You’ve made me calmer and more intentional. I used to do gragra a lot and make rushed decisions, but watching you, I’ve learnt to be patient and calculative.
Gbolahan: You’ve changed my life when it comes to women.
Foluso: Me? How?
Gbolahan: I look at all your mistakes and remind myself not to make them. My number one question is, “What would Foluso do?” then I do the opposite.
But seriously, you’ve helped me loosen up. I used to be the guy who sat in a corner at parties, pressing my phone. Omo, now, you can throw me in the middle of people, and I’ll make a couple of friends.
I want you to know
Gbolahan: I admire and cherish you, Foluso. I love how you’ve grown and stopped making stupid decisions. I’m also happy because I know I can never be broke again now that you’ll send me dollars for upkeep.
You’ll do great things in life, Foluso, and I can’t wait to see them happen. Know that I love you.
Foluso: Awww. First of all, I’m still pissed I won’t get to be your best man because I’ve been dreaming of that day since 2018. But I want you to know I love and appreciate you for being there for me through my highs and lows. Thank you for taking my happiness as your own and being my husband. You’ve been my guy for five years, and I don’t think I could ever replace you. And I don’t want to.
Gbolahan: I love you, boo.
*Starts singing a randomly made up “I love you” song*
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