Yesterday, Nigerian men took to Twitter to share stories about how Nigerian women have billed them in the most random ways. And woosh, I can’t lie, at some point, I started to feel bad for the men. So, my Gees, it’s time to do Nigerian women back, so here’s how to even up the stakes by dodging billing and pulling out a reverse uno card.
Disclaimer: Before you can bill a Nigerian woman, she has to like you o. Or else, anything you see, take it like that.
Agree to go on a date and forget your ATM Card
This could go in many ways. Either both of you will wash plates, because she doesn’t have the money (which is a lie cause Nigerian women are rich) or she’ll walk out on you and you will be the only one to wash the plates. The best way to go about this is, just tell her to pay and that you’ll pay her back — of course you won’t. And everytime she asks for the money, come up with excuses.
Mention other women
Talk about how you’re getting this and that from Folake and Amaka. Women don’t like competition so she’ll either try to outgift the supposed Folake and Amaka, or not even try at all and just ghost you. Brace yourself.
Have bad eating habits
One question a Nigerian woman will always ask is, “Have you eaten?” The first time you say no, she may just tell you to go and find something to eat. But the more you tell her that you get so busy you forget to eat or even buy food, she’ll start getting worried about your eating habits and start ordering food delivery to your house.
Tell her you don’t want to disgrace her
If she invites you somewhere, tell her you don’t have anything to wear. Or wear a bad outfit and send her a picture and tell her this is what you have and if she doesn’t want to be embarrassed, she should buy you an outfit.
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Use the fuel scarcity to your advantage
Tell her that the reason you can’t see her is because fuel is expensive and transportation cost has increased. She’ll ask for your account details straight up.
Change up your birthday dates
Take a page from Nigerian women’s playbook and have ten birthdays in a year. The moment you meet a woman you like, subtly mention that your birthday is coming soon. Then a few days later, tweet about that new game or new pair of shoes on your wishlist.
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Data has finished
Make yourself unavailable online. When she calls you to ask what happened, tell her your data has finished, so you can’t chat or Facetime, and your bank is acting up and isn’t allowing you to buy data. Before you know it, she has bought you a whole MiFi and paid for unlimited data for one year.
Get her to add you to her subscription accounts
Tell her to add you to her family account on every streaming platform she’s subscribed to. If she asks why, tell her it’s because you see both of you becoming a family someday and you’d like to start with the little things. Or tell her that Apple Music or Netflix isn’t accepting your card, and ask if she can add you to her family accounts. That way, you may never pay for any streaming services again.
Bill her with your chest
Nigerian women don’t know how to take hints. If you don’t ask, they won’t even answer you. Better open your mouth and say what you want. Bill them directly.
CONTINUE READING: Dear Nigerian Women, This Is How Nigerian Men Want to Be Toasted
