The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I met Glory in 2023, and we’ve been dating for about 11 months.
How did you two meet?
I’m a freelance graphic designer living in a university environment and often get design requests for birthday flyers. Glory and I have a mutual friend who sent me Glory’s picture so I could design one.
I liked what I saw and convinced the girl to send me Glory’s number to forward the flyer to her myself. She sent it, and I sent the flyer, wished Glory a happy birthday and offered to take her out to eat. I spent ₦10k that day on shawarma and drinks. We vibed, talked all night, and essentially became an item.
Just like that?
Yes. I told her I liked her, and she said she enjoyed talking to me. I didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend that night, but somehow, we knew we were dating by the end of the week.
Glory was even the first person to use the term “boyfriend”. Two weeks after we met, I came to her department building to see her. When she saw me, she waved me over and introduced me to her friends as her boyfriend. I remember being so excited that I had to consciously stop myself from shining my teeth in front of her friends.
Were you excited because she used “boyfriend”?
It was more because she seemed so proud to announce me. My last relationship was with a girl who never told anyone we were together, so it was a breath of fresh air. My ex claimed she hid me because she was a private person, but I realised that was a lie after finding out from a friend that she blocked me from viewing her WhatsApp status, where she constantly posted one G-boy who was spending money on her. I don’t really blame my ex sha. I was a broke student, so I guess she wanted better.
Was your financial situation any better when you started dating Glory?
Much better. I was in my NYSC year, but aside from the ₦33k stipend, I made money writing for blogs and designing. I had a steady client for the blog pieces then who paid me ₦35k/month, and I made extra ₦30k – ₦40k from graphic design. So, I felt confident and financially comfortable enough to pursue a relationship.
What about Glory? What was her financial situation?
She didn’t have a major income source as a student — she still doesn’t— but her parents supported her financially. I know that because when we started dating, I tried sending her money regularly. I always told her whenever I got paid, and would randomly send ₦10k here or ₦12k there.
I did that about three times in the first month, and she told me to calm down. She was like, “I’m not broke o. Stop sending money anyhow.” She made me understand that she’d tell me if she ever needed money, and she preferred that I save my money to do sensible things rather than spend it all on her.
Sounds like a keeper
That statement activated my mumu button. I reduced the money gifts and limited them to when she asked. But she likes going out and hanging out on the beach, so we went on beach dates and visited eateries. I paid for those dates.
My birthday was in February, and Glory bought me a cake and a wristwatch as my birthday gift. I bought her a ₦5k necklace for Valentine’s Day; she took us out to eat that day. We’ve mostly understood each other when it comes to money, but I think that’s been changing a bit since August.
How so?
Our finances have changed a lot. Glory lost her father, who was the family’s breadwinner, in June. Her mum is still trying to recover from funeral expenses, and Glory is always complaining about being broke. She’s in her final year now and needs money more than ever.
On my own end, I finished NYSC earlier this year, and my income hasn’t been stable. My steady client gets work from sites like Upwork and Fiverr and outsources some of his jobs to me. But jobs haven’t been as frequent; he says those sites are more competitive now. So, sometimes, I get only two gigs from him in a month that might not even reach ₦20k.
Graphic design has been my major income source for a while, and even with that, I struggle to make ₦60k. That’s hardly enough to do anything in this economy, and I still have rent to worry about. I squatted with a friend for free during NYSC, but I had to look for another option after we finished because his girlfriend wanted to move in. I’m sharing the room with another friend, but I still have to worry about my half of the rent, which is ₦150k.
Things are hard, and it makes it worse when my girlfriend complains because I can’t do a lot.
Damn. How has this affected your relationship?
Money has become a regular conversation for us now, and these conversations tend to get tense. One time, Glory complained about money as usual, and I tried to motivate her, but she got angry. She asked whether motivational words would bring the money to solve the problem. She apologised later, but I still feel bad.
I once told her that hearing about her financial situation made me feel inadequate, but she didn’t like that. She said it sounded like I didn’t want her to tell me what was going on and that if she couldn’t share with me, who else did she have?
Glory still says that she doesn’t expect me to provide all her needs, but I feel like there’s an unspoken expectation that I provide more than I currently do. I give her at least ₦5k monthly, and she often comes to eat at my place, but it’s like I’m not doing enough. I have this silent fear that she’ll find someone with more money and leave me for him.
Hmm. I guess you haven’t spoken to her about this
How can I? It’ll just sound like insecurity. So, I just try to show my love as much as I can. I listen to her troubles and suggest solutions when needed. I also try to send money when I can afford to, and I still prioritise dates.
She has said she wants to start a thrift business, and I’m hoping I have money whenever she’s ready. I won’t fund the whole thing — she plans to speak with her uncle to dash her some money — but I hope to support her with something.
I hope it works out. Do you have a financial safety net?
I have ₦80k in a savings app, and that money is only there because Glory has warned me not to touch it so I can have something for rent. I’m currently job hunting for a steady salary to bank on. Once I get that, I can think about saving beyond rent.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d like both of us to have stable income sources so we can look at a better future together. A future where we can rent a place together, go on vacation to beach resorts around Nigeria and be free to be intentional with gifting. Glory’s phone is bad, and I’ve fantasised about changing it for her, but I definitely can’t do that now.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Customer Service Rep Navigating an Uncertain Long-Distance Relationship on ₦290k/Month
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