As a Nigerian living in Nigeria, you should be certain of two things. One: If you have light for three consecutive days, look for NEPA’s office and beg them to take the light. There’s a problem somewhere.
Two: Typical Nigerian bosses are never wrong. Like, never.
The key to winning every argument is by using Nigerian boss tactics, and this article will teach you how.
Make a decision
For top points, pick the most unreasonable decision or opinion possible. For example, of course, one person should be able to do the work of five people without complaining. Are you asking for too much, or are they just not putting in the effort?
Stand by it
Channel your inner mountain and absolutely refuse to change your stance. It doesn’t matter if everyone around you is crying. You’ve made your decision, and changing it means you lose the argument. We don’t want that.
Never accept defeat
Even if the points against your argument are as bright as the Kaduna sun, refuse to be defeated. If they do too much, tell them, “I’ve been an expert in this field since before you were born”. That’ll show them.
Intimidate others into silence
Directly or indirectly threaten to show them shege if they dare question your authority. They’ll accept your every word as law.
Play the boss card
If it looks like you’re losing, just say, “Do you know more than me?” but don’t even give them the space to answer. Just keep repeating that question.
It’s like you know more than me, abi?
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Tell them you’ll consider it
If the person has coconut head and still insists on making their opinions heard, tell them you’ll consider it. Then proceed to never think about it again.
Say, “It’s against policy”
And don’t bother to explain what policy you’re talking about. The point is, you know more than them, and they need to shut their face.
Or just sack them
How dare they question your irrational ways? If you can’t sack them because you’re not a Nigerian boss in real life, sack them from your life and keep it moving.
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