Just putting it out there: This is a work of fiction and in no way has any relationship to anyone whether living (me) or dead (me if my boss thinks this is a sub). That being said, follow this guide if you want to unlock level 100 in this adulting business.
Type very loudly on your keyboard.
Do this while staring intently at your screen. Everyone will think you are replying to an important email even though you are fighting with your partner over Whatsapp chat.
Always hurry off shouting “So much to do.”
Super busy, not enough time. So much to do, not enough 24 hours.
Eat lunch at your desk and complain about work volume.
Tell anyone who cares to listen about how work keeps you so busy you don’t have time for a lunch break. Lunch break is for the weak.
Stay later than everyone.
Make sure you are the last person to leave work. Tell your colleagues that you are trying to finish a super important project. Then you can use the office Wifi to download Altered Carbon which is a really good series by the way.
Reply to Emails late.
Always start with “sorry for the late reply, I have been so busy” when you reply two days later. It is known: only busy/famous people respond late to emails.
Carry a notepad and jot down at weird intervals.
The easiest way to hack seriousness is by constantly writing down at intervals. It makes you look 5 times more serious than everyone. Take your notepad everywhere you go and make sure everyone sees it. Yes, especially to the bathroom. Take it!
Keep sighing at intervals.
A sigh indicates that you are occupied with a lot of work. Your colleagues will even pity you for taking on so much work.
Stare into the distance and not talk to anyone
Busyness is next to quietness. Don’t talk to anyone, just keep staring like you are trying to figure out something important. Even though you are thinking about whether to eat noodles and egg for dinner or not.
If you like this, you can check out our new column titled ‘A Week In The Life Of” that documents the struggle of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and try to earn a living.
Click here to read the first episode about Odunayo, a keke rider. She shows us what it means to be a breadwinner, a chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.
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