The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I’ve been with my husband, Hosea, since 2018, so that’s six years. We got married in 2023.
How did you and Hosea meet?
We matched on Tinder, but we didn’t live in the same city. Tinder shows you people who live farther away if you don’t match with people close to you. I was also using Tinder Premium, so I could even meet people outside Nigeria.
Hosea and I texted for five months until I moved to his city to start my master’s degree. He was in his final year of medical school. Our first date was at the cinema, and our second date was at his place. He asked me to be his girlfriend during the second date, and I said yes.
You were both students?
Yes, but I had a thriving online thrift business that brought me around ₦100k in profits monthly. I was even considerably better off financially, as he couldn’t work much for money due to the demanding nature of medical school. He occasionally had a project management gig with someone that paid him ₦200k – ₦400k about twice a year, but that was all.
Although I earned more, Hosea took care of 100% of our date expenses and the bills when I visited. He’d even still give me transport money on top.
In 2020, I finished my master’s degree and returned home. Hosea also moved to Abuja for his housemanship, and we transitioned into a long-distance relationship.
What was that like?
It was tough. The lockdown happened, and we didn’t see each other for a year. Then we started to grow apart and broke up for about seven months. While we were broken up, I got into another relationship and almost got married. But he was too wealthy for me, and I broke it off.
Did you say, “too wealthy”?
I know it sounds funny, but I like having financial autonomy. Having my own money makes me feel safe, like I can make decisions for myself. This other guy gave me so many gifts: plots of land, gold, a car, and even a house. He wanted to get married immediately, but the financial gap between us was too wide.
I didn’t know what he did for money —we didn’t even talk about things like that, and it didn’t feel like our marriage would be a partnership. I wouldn’t be able to make any decision because he had everything. I just didn’t feel relaxed. In the end, I had a talk with him and we ended the engagement.
Around the same time, Hosea came back and asked that we give it another try, so we got back together in 2021. He started talking about marriage, too, but I wasn’t ready.
Any reason why?
I just wanted to take my time. In 2022, I got a job that paid ₦370k/month as a pharmaceutical rep. I’d expanded my thrift business to wholesale, and it brought in an additional ₦400k/month. Hosea was working at a private hospital in Abuja and earned ₦700k/month.
In December 2022, I visited my parents and invited Hosea over. That’s how he told my dad he wanted to come and marry me. In summary, wedding planning started, and we got married in 2023.
How did you both handle wedding expenses?
We initially budgeted ₦4m – ₦5m for the wedding, then Hosea brought out only ₦1m and said it was his savings. I was surprised because where was the remaining money supposed to come from? Why would you use your life savings for a wedding?
We had to cut down on a lot of things, but my parents ended up covering the bulk of the expenses, as they wanted a big celebration for their first daughter. I only paid for my makeup. Looking back, I should’ve asked Hosea a lot more questions about his plans for the wedding expenses, but I didn’t think much of it.
After the wedding, we realised ₦2.1m from the money people sprayed us, and Hosea used it to rent an apartment and buy a mattress for us in Abuja. Up until then, he’d been living with his sibling’s family.
I still lived and worked in my city while he set up the place. So, we did long-distance and frequent visits for the first few months of our marriage until I joined him in 2024.
How did your homes run in those first few months?
Our finances were still very separate. I’ve always been a big saver, so I didn’t need to ask him for money. I’m always keeping my money in the bank or tying it down in gold jewellery.
But Hosea’s own is to give money to the church. I didn’t know that at the time, though. All I knew was he liked handling his expenses himself and that he had a provider mindset. When he was setting up our place, I had to deliberately chip in because he wouldn’t ask me for anything.
I resigned in January 2024 and moved to Abuja to join him. I was also pregnant, so it had become stressful to run my business and work. I had to stop the business when I moved because Abuja isn’t close to places like Onitsha, where I can travel to buy cloth bales.
Then, I realised just how different our money habits were when we started living together.
How different?
First of all, he had so many things taking his money. When Hosea receives his salary, he sends money to his mum, then his sister and his dad. Then he pays tithe, removes church offerings, fuel and other utility bills. At the end of the day, he only has about ₦150k left from ₦700k. So, we have to manage that for food.
I’ve had to chip in several times to supplement whatever he dropped for food. I had ₦8m in my savings when I moved in, so I was happy to buy food and do things around the house without asking him.
I told Hosea about my savings, and we decided to open a joint savings account. I put ₦5m in the account and sent random amounts every month. Hosea, on his part, sent ₦100k monthly there. We had a baby on the way, so we wanted to be prepared. He also told me he had a personal ₦150k/month savings.
This brings me to the second thing I noticed about his money habits, which is the one I mentioned earlier about giving so much money to the church. I realised how serious it was when I had my baby, and he said there was no money to pay the hospital bills. My dad had to support the ₦700k bill because my baby was put in intensive care, and Hosea kept complaining about money. It was so embarrassing.
After we were discharged, I sat him down to ask why he acted like that. That’s how my husband said he’d actually cleared out all our savings to sew a seed in church months before.
Wait. The whole thing?
The whole thing, including my ₦5m. He said he was led by the spirit. He even showed me the transaction receipt. I cried so much to my mum because I wasn’t sure what else to do. I’d trusted him with our finances, and he did that. I knew he was more serious with church than me — I don’t even go to church — but I didn’t know it extended to finances. Maybe if I’d been following him to church, I might have known earlier. He actually cleared every single naira.
I’m so sorry about that. How did you move past that?
At first, I was angry and heartbroken, but I had mixed feelings. I was angry at Hosea, but was I supposed to stay angry at Jesus? I believe Nigerian pastors are scammers, but there wasn’t much I could do. However, the joint account is dead and buried.
For two months after the incident, I made sure Hosea handed over his salary so I could oversee the expenses. I still ran every decision by him, but I made the payments. Then I started feeling bad that he wasn’t handling the money he worked for.
Besides, we couldn’t do that in the long term. If I can’t trust my partner with finances, it’ll impact our marriage negatively. So, we returned to our usual arrangement on the condition that he’d make money available for me, the house and our baby when we needed it. He can spend the rest on church as he likes, as long as he provides for us.
Oh. How’s that working so far?
It’s going well. He gives me a personal ₦50k allowance monthly, then ₦100k for food and provisions and ₦70k for the baby’s needs. Sometimes, I still supplement with some of the savings I manage to gather. I just have to make it work because I know he won’t stop giving to the church. He clearly told me he didn’t regret giving away our life savings, he just regrets not telling me. That’s just who he is.
A few months ago, I really needed to change my phone, and he said he only had ₦100k. As a good wife, I collected it and said I’d add money to it. That same evening, they sold anointed handkerchiefs at church, and he bought two at ₦80k on the spot.
So, for him, it’s church first. He even pays the pastor ₦20k/month — a pastor who has a private jet. But I don’t want to think about that. I wish he spent less in church, but it’s a no-go area for him, and he won’t compromise on it. He says he’s doing it for our future, so I just have to trust him. As long as he’s performing his responsibilities at home, he can continue his giving.
You mentioned savings earlier. Is this from your allowance?
I occasionally get small contracts to supply drinks at events. Those come like once every two months, and I make at least ₦80k on each job.
I’ve been thinking of starting a business, but I haven’t come up with anything yet. I also make some money from sports betting. The gambling isn’t regular, though. When I need some money, I’ll put ₦200k on 1.1 odds, run the bet for five straight days and make ₦20k each day. I try not to do more than that so I don’t lose money.
I hardly lose because I’m a very careful gambler. Sometimes, when my husband is very broke, he gives me money and tells me to do my sports betting magic.
So, that’s where my savings come from. I’ve bled through most of it and only have ₦700k currently. In January, I put my husband on a savings app and make sure he saves ₦30k/month since he always complains about being broke.
Is there room in the budget for dates and romance stuff?
Oh yes. Besides our different approaches to money, my husband is a really good man, and our marriage is great. Sometimes, he takes locum jobs and uses the income to plan dates. For this year’s Valentine’s Day, we had a really nice outing that cost him about ₦200k. In December 2024, we had a three-day family getaway in another city.
He also regularly buys me stuff. Just recently, he got me six new dresses. I’m hoping I can save enough money to take us on a trip to Ghana later this year. I figure it might cost up to ₦2m. If it doesn’t work out, we might just go to a resort in Lagos instead.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Japa. I’ve been trying to convince Hosea to take the PLAB exams or any medical exam that can help us relocate, but he’s worried he might fail. I still have the gold, plots of land, and house from my ex-boyfriend, which should give us at least ₦40m if we sell them.
That should be more than enough to cover the exams and relocation costs, but Hosea thinks it’ll be a waste of time and money we could’ve given the church if he fails. I’m just hoping he’s open to it soon.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Lagos Housewife Trying to Make the Best of Her ₦100k Allowance
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